Author Archives: muffybolding

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About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.

OF TRACK

Posted on June 14, 2010 by muffybolding

Man, these phony, negligent, opportunistic assholes should be held accountable and fully prosecuted for risking their teenage daughter’s life ALL SO THEY COULD LAND A REALITY SERIES. I call DICK MOVE. Can anybody say BALLOON BOY? Not to mention…fake, greedy, … Continue reading →

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ds on the dl

Posted on June 14, 2010 by muffybolding

When I was little — like little-little…back before my Hot-boxed Filipina Fuckmachine Mother had a thousand babies and I was forced to work as a biologically-indentured Teenage Mary Poppins With Boss Hooters And A Bad Attitude/Handmaid of Satan — when … Continue reading →

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girl fight

Posted on June 13, 2010 by muffybolding

Speaking of Girl Fights…my BRILLIANT best friends, Peter and Billy, and I have an ongoing 20 year schtick where we purse our lips and say to each other, “Bitch…don’t MAKE me take off these hoops”, or “Bitch…don’t MAKE me kick … Continue reading →

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truth

Posted on June 11, 2010 by muffybolding

You cannot fathom the immensity of the fuck I do not give.

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girl in the boat

Posted on June 11, 2010 by muffybolding

I am so relieved to hear that Abby Sunderland, the 16 year old who was attempting to sail solo around the globe, has been safely plucked from the Indian Ocean after SOS rescue signals were sent out from her little … Continue reading →

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otis

Posted on June 8, 2010 by muffybolding

Sixteen years ago today, I became the mother of a beautiful boy. And, what a boy he is! Talented, hilarious, intelligent, compassionate, egalitarian, wildly interesting, and endearingly eccentric, this young man plans on being a sports journalist, which is his … Continue reading →

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waynie

Posted on June 8, 2010 by muffybolding

Merry Birfday to one of the great loves of my life — My Sweet Wayne Cole! I would not be who I am today without all the support, guidance, and divine affection that’s been lavished on me since sashaying into … Continue reading →

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truth

Posted on June 8, 2010 by muffybolding

“I’m gonna keep these ol’ mashed potaters down here on my end of the table because I wouldn’t want ol’ chubby to get ahold of ’em!” — Great Crapaw, 1991

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dreams

Posted on June 8, 2010 by muffybolding

I CANNOT believe that I just dreamt what I dreamt about you. What a shameless, ruthless trollop. I LIKE IT.

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dreams redux

Posted on June 8, 2010 by muffybolding

So, what you’re telling my fatass is that not only did I have TOTALLY-FUN, TOP-SHELF MAKE-OUT DREAMS about you BEFORE the flurry of the GREAT 3 AM DOG PISSING…but in an almost unheard of continuation of the scandal and degeneracy, … Continue reading →

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