Author Archives: muffybolding

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About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.

henry

“It’s silly to go on pretending that under the skin we are all brothers. The truth is more likely that under the skin we are all cannibals, assassins, traitors, liars, hypocrites, poltroons.” — Henry Miller, Op-Ed page, N.Y. Times, September … Continue reading

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paulie

WORD. “Art is either plagiarism or revolution.” — Paul Gauguin

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don’t fuck with the wolf

“This isn’t right. This isn’t even wrong.” — Physicist Wolfgang Pauli, on a paper submitted by an apparently inept colleague

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double-d jeopardy

“Shameless Old Trollops” for $600, Alex. ‪#‎backoffmanimfromfresno‬

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where it all begins

As I sit here all alone in a hotel room — far from home — and write about my family and myself and my past…I am looking at photographs of the magical, tragic, fabulous kin from whence I came — … Continue reading

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fuckawf

Oh, my stars. Every couple months, when I remember that it even exists, I like to pour myself a mighty cup o’ joe and sit down and read that weird, inexplicable “message requests” option in my Facebook messages. Apparently it’s … Continue reading

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DEAD ON

HA! DEAD. ON. Like I always say, it’s NOTHING short of a goddamned miracle that any of us with siblings even survive into adulthood with all of our fingers, eyeballs, and brain matter intact MUCH LESS SURVIVE INTO FUCKING ADULTHOOD. … Continue reading

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i ain’t goin’ down with a GOTTDAMNED thing

A couple of months ago, I rewatched the movie, Titanic — and in doing so, discovered how very much the years have changed me. I was surprised to find that I wasn’t nearly so caught up in the romance between … Continue reading

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woodstock

A couple of weeks ago, Gregory and I were lying in bed watching “Woodstock”, the documentary — and although I tried my very best to get into the spirit and the beauty, I was just not getting anything either stardust … Continue reading

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breasts and thighs

Inane Muff Fact #427: When I was a little girl growing up in Fresno, California, I really and truly and with all my heart thought that Foster Farms was a home for unwanted chickens. I would always PLEAD with my … Continue reading

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