Author Archives: muffybolding

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About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.

it really, really do

“Forgive me if I am not justified in what I ask,” said Scrooge, looking intently at the Spirit’s robe, “but I see something strange, and not belonging to yourself, protruding from your skirts. Is it a foot or a claw?” … Continue reading

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sacred text

Try as I might, I don’t think I will ever be able to adequately communicate the peace and strength that I draw from these 27 words — but I shall definitely spend the rest of my life making the attempt. … Continue reading

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My BFF, Satania, took the train down and stayed with us over the three day MLK, Jr. weekend — and for several weeks prior to her grand and glorious arrival, I was verily trembling with excitement! How can you not … Continue reading

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gratitude

“Let us toast to animal pleasures, to escapism, to rain on the roof and instant coffee, to unemployment insurance and library cards, to absinthe and good-hearted landlords, to music and warm bodies and contraceptives… and to the “good life”, whatever … Continue reading

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i heart herzog

“I loathe psychology as one of the major faults of our civilization nowadays. There’s something not right about this amount of introspection. I can only give you a metaphor: When you move into an apartment, you cannot start to illuminate … Continue reading

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mad hatter

Reason #4,652 that I love my husband: Not only will he cheerfully accompany me to major department stores in search of leopard print scarves and crimson lipstick — he will amuse me (after much begging, pleading, and desperate promises of … Continue reading

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back in the USSR

Me and my sister, Mo. She is a club lady. I am a hooker. 1.What did you do in 2007 that you’d never done before? Lost an ovary and lost a sister. 2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, … Continue reading

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“this city was the blueprint for hell…”

The only thing that could possibly make me love this video anymore than I do is if my darling niece and nephew were in it. Oh. They are. Hipster 101 Buttons strung across your chest on the strap of your … Continue reading

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doppleganger revisited

What I love the most about this is not the fact that this pre-school child looks exactly like said deceased actor and comedian — even though she does. In fact, she looks so much like him that I sincerely hope … Continue reading

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slab o’ pumpkin pie, motherfuckers?

Happy Halloween!

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