Author Archives: muffybolding

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About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.

chinga tu madre

Posted on November 20, 2006 by muffybolding

Yeah, tell me I lie. And this is after having like 400 babies. That Cleopatra eyeliner is a total and complete outrage. My mother, the irrepressible Miss Sandy, circa 1970s.

Posted in categories can suck my dick | 21 Comments

BUTCH

Posted on November 20, 2006 by muffybolding

Well, tomorrow morning we are packing up the babies and leaving for the week to celebrate the Thanksgiving holiday with friends and family up in Le Fresberg. Because of my new medication — which has to be kept refrigerated — … Continue reading →

Posted in categories can suck my dick | 11 Comments

come along, children…

Posted on November 19, 2006 by muffybolding

All are welcome, all are welcome…step into the light. If you are reading this, you have made the cut, my precious poppets, and are heartily welcomed into the inner sanctum. My, my, my…all those horrible, nasty little children gone. All … Continue reading →

Posted in categories can suck my dick | 71 Comments

delightful, delicious, delovely, defriended

Posted on November 17, 2006 by muffybolding

Out of necessity — nay, survival — I am being forced to scale back on several different facets of my life…including ye olde livejournal. Unfortunately, that means that this weekend I will be making the dreaded (ACK!) friends list cuts. … Continue reading →

Posted in categories can suck my dick | 44 Comments

exhausted

Posted on November 17, 2006 by muffybolding

This disease is kicking my ass.

Posted in categories can suck my dick | 15 Comments

THIS IS HOW YOU DO IT

Posted on November 17, 2006 by muffybolding

“She would rather die than leave her child up there…it is just something about a parent’s instincts.” You goddamned right.

Posted in categories can suck my dick | 12 Comments

would you, could you, should you

Posted on November 14, 2006 by muffybolding

If you were offered the opportunity to travel to the city of Jerusalem for a week or two — with all expenses to be paid by a fairly prestigious film company that was courting you — would you go? If … Continue reading →

Posted in categories can suck my dick | 37 Comments

hello, gorgeous

Posted on November 13, 2006 by muffybolding

Guess which short, wicked, foul-mouthed Sicilian dame is going to see the final night of La Streisand’s tour one week from tonight, thus fulfilling the lifetime wish of a little working class girl from Fresno who believed with all her … Continue reading →

Posted in categories can suck my dick | 20 Comments

still BELLY SCREAMING

Posted on November 13, 2006 by muffybolding

From Borat — the best line from a movie EVER: “Her vagine was hang loose…like sleeve of wizard.”

Posted in categories can suck my dick | 6 Comments

SO my type i cannot even tell you

Posted on November 13, 2006 by muffybolding

Christ, who ever would have thought that underneath all that body fur and the faux Eastern European bravado…this guy was SUCH a piece of ass? Man, I love me some pretty jew boys:

Posted in categories can suck my dick | 21 Comments