Author Archives: muffybolding

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About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.

power point update (without the power points, of course, because i am a technological half-wit)

Posted on November 14, 2005 by muffybolding

“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” — Ferris Bueller — The Carpal-Tunnel horseshit in my left arm and hand has been flaring up something fierce. I had … Continue reading →

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brother boy comes to town

Posted on November 14, 2005 by muffybolding

“It begins with a gay man who falls out of his mother’s womb…and lands in her high heels.” — Leslie Jordan And speaking of my friend, Leslie…he just rang me up to tell me that his one-man show, “Like a … Continue reading →

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armistice day 2005

Posted on November 11, 2005 by muffybolding

The following is a piece I wrote in 2003, when this war in which we are currently embroiled was still just a few months old. I read back over it today, and every point I made then is still as … Continue reading →

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pride

Posted on November 10, 2005 by muffybolding

Well, it certainly looks like my friend, Leslie, had a GRAND TIME once again as the special guest of honor at the 19th Annual Greater Palm Springs Pride Parade this past weekend. He is now considered such a goddamned DEITY … Continue reading →

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food meme

Posted on November 10, 2005 by muffybolding

What’s your favorite… wine: Jesus christ, I fucking LOATHE wine — and the entire phony, horseshit wine culture. Aside from my intense cultural annoyance, it also gives me a raging skullache within minutes of ingestion. I piss on wine. beer: … Continue reading →

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i live for this shit

Posted on November 9, 2005 by muffybolding

“You dropped your chicken on the floor, man — and you ain’t gettin’ no more.” — Marianne Faithfull, spoken as only she could, in her jaded, husky, British, smoker’s voice to Sandra Bernhard’s then 18 month old daughter, Cecily, over … Continue reading →

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shush

Posted on November 9, 2005 by muffybolding

Oh, lord, this is juicy. DISCUSS, motherfuckers: Coffee Shops Clash With Parents Over Rowdy Kids By JODI WILGOREN, The New York Times CHICAGO (Nov. 8) – Bridget Dehl shushed her 21-month-old son, Gavin, then clapped a hand over his mouth … Continue reading →

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lamentation

Posted on November 4, 2005 by muffybolding

I miss ‘s Friday Fucking Confessional. Fridays just aren’t the same without them. *sigh*

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crash, splash, kerblash

Posted on November 1, 2005 by muffybolding

I am sitting here writing, and the ocean is so incredibly loud and relentless tonight…almost as if it’s a sullen boy trying to wrestle my attention away from my work. It wants me to look it in the eye and … Continue reading →

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sullen emu girl

Posted on November 1, 2005 by muffybolding

Has anyone used emu oil to reduce the appearance of scars after surgery? My plastic surgeon, the god that he is, claims the stuff is damn near magical. So, I am definitely going to get some and give it a … Continue reading →

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