Author Archives: muffybolding

About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.

i cannot stop staring into the eyes of this horrifying creature

Posted on December 18, 2005 by muffybolding

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you better quirk it, girl…

Posted on December 17, 2005 by muffybolding

Oh, fuck it…because I am feeling particularly weird habit-addled tonight — FIVE MORE: 1) I sleep with a soft, pink blanket I have had since infanthood. It is called “The Pink Softie” (pronounced “saw-fee”) and it has traveled with me … Continue reading →

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Five Weird Habits o’ Mine

Posted on December 16, 2005 by muffybolding

The name of the game is “List Five of Your Weird Habits”. Here mine be: 1) I use baby wipes for EVERYTHING. Remember the old guy with the Windex in that big, fat, Greek wedding movie? That’s me, except with … Continue reading →

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fore!

Posted on December 13, 2005 by muffybolding

Fuck it. I’ll just play through. FOUR JOBS YOU’VE HAD IN YOUR LIFE Bookseller Actor Writer Mother FOUR MOVIES YOU COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER What’s Up, Doc? The Way We Were The Godfather A Hard Day’s Night FOUR CITIES … Continue reading →

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the textile divine

Posted on December 2, 2005 by muffybolding

One of my favorite poems in the whole world is one man’s love poem — to his suit. For …and his jacket — whom I know will both fully understand its profound benediction of true love. Ode To My Suit … Continue reading →

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world aids day

Posted on December 1, 2005 by muffybolding

“The thing I find by far most emotionally difficult as I travel through Africa, is meeting with the women, stricken by AIDS, who know they’re dying or soon to die, with two or three young children, and they ask me, … Continue reading →

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color me not surprised

Posted on December 1, 2005 by muffybolding

Though, aside from any transgression against or unfair treatment of my children (for which said offender will be fucking brutally MURDERED ON THE SPOT and DISMEMBERED WITH MY TEETH) it takes me FOREVER to get angry. Truly. It’s almost comical … Continue reading →

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the yin and yang of thanksgiving

Posted on November 23, 2005 by muffybolding

The following is a list of all those things in my life for which I am thankful — followed by a list of those things for which I am not. Darkness and light, baby. As that satanic priest said in … Continue reading →

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he’s so bitchin’…

Posted on November 17, 2005 by muffybolding

You’d have to know my husband, Gregory, to adequately understand the full depth and gravity of what I am about to tell you, but I shall nevertheless try my best to provide you with all the details you’ll need to … Continue reading →