Author Archives: muffybolding

About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.

idiot prince

Posted on August 29, 2005 by muffybolding

I’d say that judging by all the secret service swarming all over the island and all the governmental helicopters hovering in the air outside my bedroom windows…that The Jackass Has Landed.

Posted in categories can suck my dick | 3 Comments

quick update

Posted on August 28, 2005 by muffybolding

My newly-downsized titties are healing nicely (thanks to all who posted good wishes!) The sugery went WELL, and it has been reported (and is now the stuff of legend) that I serenaded my surgeon, anesthesiologist, and assisting nurses with a … Continue reading →

Posted in categories can suck my dick | 64 Comments

Muffy is snoozing…

Posted on August 25, 2005 by muffybolding

All – It’s the husband here. Just wanted to send the ‘all clear’ out. Muffy had some nausea in the recovery room but is feeling much better now and is snoozing peacefully next to me. I’m feeling much better now … Continue reading →

Posted in categories can suck my dick | 31 Comments

goodbye, kazongas

Posted on August 23, 2005 by muffybolding

And now, the end is near…they’ve finally reached, their last unfurling. That’s right, my friends…the day after tomorrow, at 10 a.m., my silly fat ass is going under the gottdamned knife to lose these two fleshy behemoths otherwise known as … Continue reading →

Posted in categories can suck my dick | 58 Comments

lyonesse

Posted on August 19, 2005 by muffybolding

In early 2003, a supporting part had been written for me in a film that was scheduled to be shot in Romania later that Spring. As casting got underway for the main roles, the director and producers sat through countless … Continue reading →

Posted in categories can suck my dick | 48 Comments

make you laugh, make you cry

Posted on July 26, 2005 by muffybolding

There was a time when I would’ve read this and said, “HA! That’s hilarious! It’ll never really happen, but that’s a great fucking story.” Now, I see us pretty much already there. We have lost so much — and our … Continue reading →

Posted in categories can suck my dick | 8 Comments

my weekend

Posted on July 18, 2005 by muffybolding

1) Went to the premiere of Rob Zombie’s new horror flick, “The Devil’s Rejects.” Goddamn, that movie was fucking NO. But for the fact that Mr. and Mrs. Zombie and all of the assembled cast and crew were in the … Continue reading →

Posted in categories can suck my dick | 13 Comments

here comes the fucking sun

Posted on July 12, 2005 by muffybolding

Doesn’t it just figure that everyone else who is affected by Seasonal Mood Disorder gets fucked up in the lovely, lovely Winter — and my perpetually odd, backwards, insane self drags ass and feels like hammered fuck in the good … Continue reading →

Posted in categories can suck my dick | 14 Comments

i grow weary

Posted on July 9, 2005 by muffybolding

Posted in categories can suck my dick | 22 Comments

this is why we’re moving to europe