Author Archives: muffybolding

Unknown's avatar

About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.

the last will and testament of a loose woman

Posted on January 7, 2005 by muffybolding

My lesson for the New Year? That the arrogance of assumed immunity will nail your ass every goddamned time. Trust me, strutting to and fro and silently mocking the constitutional weakness of those who have fallen ill around you does … Continue reading →

Posted in categories can suck my dick | 3 Comments

one quick question

Posted on December 14, 2004 by muffybolding

What kind of fucking kids wouldn’t murder to get one of these for Christmas? Well, my friends…allow me to inform you as to what kind: Mine Bastards. They just made my Christmas exponentially more difficult. Consider me furious.

Posted in categories can suck my dick | 14 Comments

who’s got the cutest little beastie in town?

Posted on December 10, 2004 by muffybolding

Yeah. That’s right. Mama do. (And do remember this darling face — as it will be designing the fabulous hipsterwear that your daughters will be relentlessly harrassing you for in about 3 years time. Where would this world be without … Continue reading →

Posted in categories can suck my dick | 20 Comments

road whore

Posted on November 11, 2004 by muffybolding

Unfuckingbelievable. This tour has been unfuckingbelievable. We are still out on the road, Connecticut tonight and then finally, finally, finally home tomorrow…where, of course, I will have to leave for LA on Sunday night for big movie meeting on Monday. … Continue reading →

Posted in categories can suck my dick | 3 Comments

tricksters

Posted on October 31, 2004 by muffybolding

Have fun trick or treating and do NOT forget to vote for the Kerry/Edwards ticket on Tuesday — or else these filthy little bastards will be back on your front porch next year…demanding Snickers bars, pissing on the candles in … Continue reading →

Posted in categories can suck my dick | 1 Comment

i’m only sleeping

Posted on October 31, 2004 by muffybolding

All political partisanship aside… how motherfucking near-death exhausted must both Bush and Kerry be right about now? I cannot even imagine it — and I have a husband, three babies, a career, and a household to manage and maintain, as … Continue reading →

Posted in categories can suck my dick | 2 Comments

the best

Posted on October 30, 2004 by muffybolding

I just walked back here, and on the computer I found the following — an IM from my mother: Mother: Honey, I have to run some errands, but could you please send me the information on your new book. Please. … Continue reading →

Posted in categories can suck my dick | 3 Comments

go forth and interstitial, my child

Posted on October 30, 2004 by muffybolding

For anybody who has cable television and might be interested…our project for the Disney Channel airs all day today and all day on Halloween. The title of the project is tied in with the release of the new Disney/Pixar film … Continue reading →

Posted in categories can suck my dick | 7 Comments

OBL

Posted on October 29, 2004 by muffybolding

The following is an excerpt from the speech by the al-Qa’ida leader, Osama bin Laden, addressing the American people in a video, parts of which were aired by al-Jazeera television last night. From CNN: Bin Laden: ‘Your security is in … Continue reading →

Posted in categories can suck my dick | 3 Comments

markos hears a who

Posted on October 29, 2004 by muffybolding

“So, open your mouth, lad! For every voice counts!” From The Daily Kos: Vote trading and the popular vote by Kos Sat Oct 30th, 2004 at 05:04:57 GMT There are two battles being fought Tuesday. The battle for the electoral … Continue reading →

Posted in categories can suck my dick | 1 Comment