Author Archives: muffybolding

Unknown's avatar

About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.

no fear

Posted on November 24, 2013 by muffybolding

This week, the dark, blustery chill of Fall has finally arrived in Los Angeles, and with it, right on schedule, the return, for me, of THE FIRE. As a result, I had a rather interesting self-revelation recently. Over a huge, … Continue reading →

Posted in categories can suck my dick | 4 Comments

air

Posted on November 14, 2013 by muffybolding

I am sitting here watching this video both belly laughing AND belly crying at the unabashed joy of these wild, delightful young men. In the ancient depths of our Reptilian Brains, this is what we ALL dream about. This is … Continue reading →

Posted in categories can suck my dick | 2 Comments

stfu

Posted on November 13, 2013 by muffybolding

Muffy-The-Imperious-Asshole Edict #773: If you violate your teenager’s human rights by tracking them and/or their car with a GPS — thus denying them the privacy, freedom, and sense of self-determination you yourself enjoyed in your own youth — FUUUUUUUUCK YOU. … Continue reading →

Posted in categories can suck my dick | 1 Comment

m.o.t.l.

Posted on November 13, 2013 by muffybolding

Another quick, DEAD-ON glimpse — provided via a single image — into my relationship with My One True Love. Yeah.

Posted in categories can suck my dick | Leave a comment

ink

Posted on November 13, 2013 by muffybolding

Recently, a new friend expressed genuine shock and befuddlement that my seditious self sports NARY A GOTTDAMNED TATTOO. They told me they were surprised that a broad such as myself had never been inked, ever, saying, “I just can’t believe … Continue reading →

Posted in categories can suck my dick | Leave a comment

FML

Posted on November 13, 2013 by muffybolding

I am sick. I am currently both UNDER-the-weather…and OVER-the-weather. It is November 13th. NOVEMBER 13th. TWO WEEKS BEFORE WE COME IN FROM THE FROSTY COLD, MURDER A BIRD, and GATHER TOGETHER TO ASK THE LORD’S BLESSING. It is currently 91 … Continue reading →

Posted in categories can suck my dick | Leave a comment

lil

Posted on November 13, 2013 by muffybolding

Never has a music video been more ON TRACK and more OFF TRACK — all at the same time — than THIS one. Y’ALL MUTHAFUCKAS NEED JESUS.

Posted in categories can suck my dick | 1 Comment

seven

Posted on November 11, 2013 by muffybolding

Gold frame. Olan Mills. Fresno girl. Seven years. Two bows. Junior bouffant. Dotted Swiss. Sweet smile. Missing tooth. BIG DREAMS.

Posted in categories can suck my dick | Leave a comment

water

Posted on November 11, 2013 by muffybolding

Second one of the day. Because sometimes…nothing else helps. I will be okay.

Posted in categories can suck my dick | Leave a comment

can’t

Posted on November 11, 2013 by muffybolding

I can’t do ANY math beyond addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division — and can BARELY do those. I can’t drive a stick shift. I can’t figure out how to turn on any of our televisions, so I only watch them … Continue reading →

Posted in categories can suck my dick | 1 Comment