Author Archives: muffybolding

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About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.

a day in the life

Posted on August 29, 2010 by muffybolding

Both Gregory and I woke up feeling sorta punk today, so we stayed in bed in our pajamas, he lovingly clutching the remote and me molesting some NORO yarn with a coupla wooden sticks. After pissing the chihuahuas, munching Panda … Continue reading →

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bunnies and bears

Posted on August 28, 2010 by muffybolding

My old favorite and one that always sends shivers of hilarity and delight through the hearts of little children the world over: A Bear and a Rabbit were taking a shit side-by-side in the woods. The Bear asked the Rabbit, … Continue reading →

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"miles to go before i sleep…"

Posted on August 28, 2010 by muffybolding

The lovely, dark, and deep Japanese Noro…nestled right up against the cheap, American, Liddle Kiddle-colored, polyester, Red Heart SHIT Yarn that I love so very much. You know, I doubt very much that you could come up with a more … Continue reading →

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caddyshack

Posted on August 28, 2010 by muffybolding

Last night, not only did my darling friend, Drag Superstar Miss Jackie Beat, quite brilliantly host and perform at Drag Queen Karaoke in West Hollywood — she brought along a little birthday treat for my fatass…which, when I saw it, … Continue reading →

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horseshit

Posted on August 28, 2010 by muffybolding

Watching this is SO making me jones for the many pleasures and delights that await us at THE TRACK. Next year: Santa Anita in the Springtime, motherfuckers! We miss you madly, Mather Zickel and C.J. Arabia — get your sweet, … Continue reading →

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bagina

Posted on August 28, 2010 by muffybolding

Story of my fucking life.

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"please don’t wake me, no, don’t shake me…leave me where I am, I’m only sleeping…"

Posted on August 24, 2010 by muffybolding

Inane Muff Fact #67: When my darling husband, Gregory, has one of his rather frequent bouts of insomnia, I have been known to employ the pharmacologically-sanctioned and FDA approved Oral Sleep Therapy used by wives since time immemorial, i.e., like … Continue reading →

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girl talk

Posted on August 24, 2010 by muffybolding

The Bechdel Feminist Test for Film: “The Bechdel Test is a simple test which requires that a film meet the following three criteria to qualify: (1) It has to have at least two women in it, who (2) talk to … Continue reading →

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truth

Posted on August 20, 2010 by muffybolding

Inane Muff Fact #994: Whenever I attend the wedding of anyone under the age of 30, I put on one of my fanciest black dresses, I bring an AWESOME gift I know the couple will adore, I celebrate and make … Continue reading →

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tweaker time

Posted on August 19, 2010 by muffybolding

I am not feeling at all well today, and in a pathetic attempt to prop myself up enough to get some writing done, I went a little heavy on the joe…and I now feel like a plague victim ON TRUCKER … Continue reading →

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