Author Archives: muffybolding

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About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.

otis, my man!

Our highly intellectual, eccentric 16 year old son, Otis, spent today with one of his buddies, doing some work for his buddy’s father — 8 hours spent shoveling dry concrete into a wheelbarrow, then hoisting the wheelbarrow uphill, emptying it, … Continue reading

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kryptonite

I am feeling rather confessional today, mein poppets — and am hoping that you do, as well. So, what do you think is your WORST character trait — the part of yourself which needs the most work? For me…I’d say … Continue reading

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honey bunny

Mother of god. GREATEST BAND NAME OF ALL TIME? “Yolanda Be Cool.” SO FUCKING AWESOME…that I give it the most humble, lush, lavish compliment I am able: “Man, I wish I’d written that.”

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dolls

“I didn’t have dough handed to me because of my good cheekbones. I had to earn it.” — Miss Neely O’Hara

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beat it

KIDS? Shiiiiiiiiiiiit. Knitter, PLEASE. My kids can KISS MY BIG FAT ANCIENT ASS. Children are undeserving of such a FINE LAIR. I want one of these COMPLETELY OFF-THE-HOOK-AWESOME loft bedroom set-ups FOR ME! Talk about a ROOM OF ONE’S OWN. … Continue reading

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right on track

This song is SO FUCKING UNBELIEVABLY OFF TRACK…that it actually turns round upon itself — much like an infinity symbol skate-cut into an ice pond in a Multiplication Rock Video — and becomes COMPLETELY ON TRACK. Gosh, I really, really … Continue reading

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OT

I gotta tell you that, despite my initial reservations on the subject, having someone tell you that, “Saying ON TRACK too much…is actually OFF TRACK.” is, in and of itself, COMPLETELY ON TRACK.

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feel the burn

And speaking about my Lady Bits (and, let’s face it, when am I NOT?), I think that in order for me to get past the burning, scorching horror in which I currently dwell, I just really need to say out … Continue reading

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cuppa

Last night I had the most entertaining dream that Miss Becky Thyre and myself were lying side by side on a psychedelic Pucci-lookin’ bedspread reading through an awesome old book of spells and potions that was REAL kitschy and REAL … Continue reading

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happy 100th birthday, EZ!

“Knit on, with confidence and hope, through all crises.” — Elizabeth Zimmermann, The Opinionated Knitter

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