Category Archives: categories can suck my dick

Man, these phony, negligent, opportunistic assholes should be held accountable and fully prosecuted for risking their teenage daughter’s life ALL SO THEY COULD LAND A REALITY SERIES. I call DICK MOVE. Can anybody say BALLOON BOY? Not to mention…fake, greedy, … Continue reading →

When I was little — like little-little…back before my Hot-boxed Filipina Fuckmachine Mother had a thousand babies and I was forced to work as a biologically-indentured Teenage Mary Poppins With Boss Hooters And A Bad Attitude/Handmaid of Satan — when … Continue reading →

Speaking of Girl Fights…my BRILLIANT best friends, Peter and Billy, and I have an ongoing 20 year schtick where we purse our lips and say to each other, “Bitch…don’t MAKE me take off these hoops”, or “Bitch…don’t MAKE me kick … Continue reading →

You cannot fathom the immensity of the fuck I do not give.

I am so relieved to hear that Abby Sunderland, the 16 year old who was attempting to sail solo around the globe, has been safely plucked from the Indian Ocean after SOS rescue signals were sent out from her little … Continue reading →

Sixteen years ago today, I became the mother of a beautiful boy. And, what a boy he is! Talented, hilarious, intelligent, compassionate, egalitarian, wildly interesting, and endearingly eccentric, this young man plans on being a sports journalist, which is his … Continue reading →

Merry Birfday to one of the great loves of my life — My Sweet Wayne Cole! I would not be who I am today without all the support, guidance, and divine affection that’s been lavished on me since sashaying into … Continue reading →

“I’m gonna keep these ol’ mashed potaters down here on my end of the table because I wouldn’t want ol’ chubby to get ahold of ’em!” — Great Crapaw, 1991

I CANNOT believe that I just dreamt what I dreamt about you. What a shameless, ruthless trollop. I LIKE IT.

So, what you’re telling my fatass is that not only did I have TOTALLY-FUN, TOP-SHELF MAKE-OUT DREAMS about you BEFORE the flurry of the GREAT 3 AM DOG PISSING…but in an almost unheard of continuation of the scandal and degeneracy, … Continue reading →