“Uh-huh. Yeah, I heard you, motherfucker.”
HA!
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all hail bill
Posted without additional comment…because, really — WHAT ELSE NEEDS TO BE SAID?
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butch
Ol’ Dr. Laura just posted a picture of her BUTCH new muscle car, a 2012 Dodge Challenger.
Mother of God…HOW MUCH PUSSY CAN ONE WOMAN EAT?
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truth
Inane Muff Fact #626: As definitive testament to my treacherous upbringing and scandalous past, when I am out and about sashaying the town and someone inexplicably recognizes me and asks, “Excuse me? Are you Muffy Bolding?”, my very first impulse, every single time, is to wonder if they are:
A) Going to arrest me
B) Serve me with court papers
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guuuuuurl
…won’t you please come home?
#noseriouslybitch
#allhorseshitaside
#ibegofyou
#iimploreofyou
#ijustcomerightoutandaxeyou #girlgetyoursweetasshome#ripfreshandeasyhighlandpark
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my sister in childhood biologically-indentured servitude
“Then her father’s second marriage, the stepmother, the drudgery, because she was the oldest girl in a house filled with eight children and so was pressed into adult service, cleaning and wiping and changing, when she was still a child herself.” — Vanity Fair feature story on Madonna Ciccone, April 2008
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obedience/rebellion
“When you think of the long and gloomy history of man, you will find more hideous crimes have been committed in the name of obedience than have ever been committed in the name of rebellion.” — C.P. Snow
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elsie
What good is sitting alone in your room?
Come hear the music play
Life is a cabaret, old chum
Come to the cabaret
Put down the knitting, the book and the broom
It’s time for a holiday
Life is a cabaret, old chum
So come to the cabaret
Come taste the wine
Come hear the band
Come blow your horn
Start celebrating, right this way
Your table’s waiting
What good’s permitting some prophet of doom
To wipe every smile away
Life is a cabaret, old chum
So come to the cabaret
I used to have this girlfriend known as Elsie
With whom I shared four sordid rooms in Chelsea
She wasn’t what you’d call a blushing flower
As a matter of fact she rented by the hour
The day she died the neighbors came to snicker
“Well, that’s what comes from too much pills and liquor”
But when I saw her laid out like a Queen
She was the happiest corpse, I’d ever seen
I think of Elsie to this very day
I remember how she’d turn to me and say
“What good is sitting all alone in your room?
Come hear the music play
Life is a cabaret, old chum
Come to the cabaret
And as for me
And as for me
I made my mind up, back in Chelsea
When I go, I’m going like Elsie
Start by admitting from cradle to tomb
Isn’t that long a stay
Life is a cabaret, old chum
It’s only a cabaret, old chum
And I love a cabaret
#divinedecadence
#teamsally #teamliza #allfabulousdebauchedweimargirlstothefront
#fuckallyallimgoinlikeelsie
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betty sue
From April 7th:
I would like to wish the HAPPIEST, Most JOYOUS, Most MAGNIFICENT 29th Birthday to my FIERCE, FABULOUS, MAGICAL, BELOVED Baby Unicorn, Betsy — an event which, in fact, VAPORIZES the Space-Time Continuum, seeing that I am only 27, myself.
When you came strutting and sashaying into my world almost three decades ago — already all GORGEOUS, GLAMOROUS, and GLITZY — you changed both me and my life FOREVER. It was through YOU that my still-baby self began the most marvelous journey that any woman can take…that of MAMA. And, so…we grew up together.
And, as I have always known since the very first time I laid eyes on your beautiful little face, that no matter what things I may succeed at in my life, if I fail as a mother, then NONE OF IT MATTERS. And, with that knowledge, every day for the past 29 years, I have kept my promise and gotten my fatass up every single day and given it my VERY BEST effort with all three of you. Even though sometimes I was far from perfect, I never failed to TRY MY VERY HARDEST.
And, as I gaze at you and your brother and sister today, at the KIND, LOVING, BRILLIANT, EXTRAORDINARY people you have become, I know in my Mama heart that Gregory and I and your Daddy and Bonus-Mama did good. We cannot wait to see what amazing things you will all do with your lives. I brought you here all those years ago, and we will be here for all of you FOREVER.
Happy Birthday, our BEAUTIFUL UNICORN, our SWEET Betty Sue. Any magic that I may posses, I most certainly passed onto all three of you — with supreme joy and adoration. Your Mousie Lou and your Piglet are SO PROUD of you we could JUST BURST and we will love you ALWAYS.
Now…GO GET ‘EM, Baby Girl.
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muffy bolding 