muffy bolding

Fantastic. It’s not even 9 am and I’m already BELLY CRYING. Jesus, this means EVERYTHING TO ME. Wisdom like this humbles me…brings me to my fucking knees:

“It seems as if only now I really know who I am. My strengths, my weaknesses, my jealousies — it’s as if all of it has been boiling in a pot for all these years, and as it boils, it evaporates into steam, and all that’s left in the pot in the end is your essence, the stuff you started out with in the very beginning.” — The magnificent, incomparable Kirk Douglas at age 84

THIS.

Dogs. Knitting. Husbands. Gusbands. Best Friends. Korean Hot Pot Tofu Soup. Girl Power. Trees. Solitude. Clarity. The perfect line. Grey, blustery days. Disneyland. Belly laughing. Southwest France. A cardigan sweater. The smell of my children’s heads. Long, hot baths. Uncle Arthur. Truth. Creation. The improbable.

And ZINES IN THE MAIL.

GIRL ZINES.

HEAVEN.

Thank you for the awesome gift, Miss Sarah Rose!

This right here? THIS IS HOW YOU FUCKING DO IT.

This gentle, fierce, honest woman is my TOTAL HERO. TRUTH IS EVERYTHING. TRUTH WILL CHANGE THE WORLD. It certainly changed the heart and mind of one guy with the laughingly apt handle, “european_douchebag” — who posted her photograph on the front page of Reddit, which is itself considered THE FRONT PAGE OF THE INTERNET, in a really shitty and thoughtless attempt to publicly shame her for her facial fair, and to hopefully get some laughs and earn “some internet points” in the process. Instead, he got an education and a unique opportunity to do the right thing — and BOY, DID HE DO IT.

This amazing story particularly spoke to me because a) I ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS work hard to try and understand my enemies and to build alliances with them, if possible. It’s just something that is HUGELY important to me, and always has been. It’s the ONLY WAY we learn and it’s the ONLY WAY THROUGH. There is nothing more powerful than making your enemies your friends.

And b) As a woman of Mediterranean ancestry, in my natural, unwaxed, unplucked state — I LOOK LIKE TOM MOTHERFUCKING SELLECK. Brava to her for speaking her truth, enlightening her shamer, and LETTING HER WHISKERS WAVE!

To the (undoubtedly male) commenters on that story who say that if she can cut her fingernails, wear clothing, bathe, get corrective spectacles to fix her vision, etc…she can certainly get rid of her facial hair so she can look more feminine…I say this:

GO FUCK YOURSELF. Not she, not me, not ANY woman is obliged to alter her appearance OR her behavior to make YOU feel more comfortable in the world, my brutha. IT AIN’T OUR JOB.

The point here is, it’s OUR CHOICE. If you WANT to shave your legs or pluck your chin, DO IT — and even more importantly, DON’T FUCKING APOLOGIZE FOR IT.

And if you DON’T want to — DON’T…and DON’T FUCKING APOLOGIZE FOR THAT, EITHER.

Whether she knows it or not (and judging from how intelligent, well-spoken, and thoughtful she is, my guess is SHE TOTALLY DOES), or whether she intends it or not, this awesome whiskered woman is a RADICAL. Her very existence in line at an airport fast food restaurant is political (we won’t even TALK ABOUT THE PRESENCE OF THE TURBAN, which is a WHOLE OTHER twist of XENOPHOBIC TERROR) because her fuzzy face is an affront to what is aesthetically expected of women in this culture, and for her very own reasons (which include her spiritual beliefs as a Sikh), SHE AIN’T HAVIN’ NONE OF IT.

That’s right. Ms. Balpreet Kaur is frontin’ on HER OWN TERMS…and, for those who are confused about the definition, THAT, MY FRIENDS, IS FEMINISM.

GOOD FOR HER…and, every bit as important, good for “european_douchebag”…who, in a most moving example of both contrition and grace, ended his very public apology with this:

“So reddit I’m sorry for being an asshole and for giving you negative publicity.
Balpreet, I’m sorry for being a closed minded individual. You are a much better person than I am
Sikhs, I’m sorry for insulting your culture and way of life.
Balpreet’s faith in what she believes is astounding.”

Yes, yes, yes…I know it’s just a start. But what a lovely and hopeful start it is, don’t you think?

When I am loyal to someone who is worthy of my loyalty…I am loyal TO THE DEATH.

When I champion someone…I champion them COMPLETELY.

When I love someone…I love them with ALL THAT I AM.

And, man, oh, man…when I thank someone…I thank them SINCERELY and WITH ALL OF MY HEART.

Must be an Italian thing. GO GRANDE…or GET THE FUCK ON DOWN THE ROAD, PAISAN:

“It’s a sign of mediocrity when you demonstrate gratitude with moderation.” — Roberto Benigni

“Nobody tells this to people who are beginners, I wish someone told me. All of us who do creative work, we get into it because we have good taste. But there is this gap. For the first couple years you make stuff, it’s just not that good. It’s trying to be good, it has potential, but it’s not. But your taste, the thing that got you into the game, is still killer. And your taste is why your work disappoints you. A lot of people never get past this phase, they quit. Most people I know who do interesting, creative work went through years of this. We know our work doesn’t have this special thing that we want it to have. We all go through this. And if you are just starting out or you are still in this phase, you gotta know its normal and the most important thing you can do is do a lot of work. Put yourself on a deadline so that every week you will finish one story. It is only by going through a volume of work that you will close that gap, and your work will be as good as your ambitions. And I took longer to figure out how to do this than anyone I’ve ever met. It’s gonna take awhile. It’s normal to take awhile. You’ve just gotta fight your way through.” — Ira Glass

You know how many women got called FAT BITCHES to their face by this guy back in the day? Yeah.

AXL ROSE CAN SUCK MY FAT DICK.

Don’t you just LOVE IT when this happens? When you meet someone so brilliant, so rare, so utterly fascinating, that you just want to devour them whole…and take them into your body like a communion wafer? I KNOW I DO.

“I knew that I had come face to face with someone whose mere personality was so fascinating that, if I allowed it to do so, it would absorb my whole nature, my whole soul, my very art itself.” — Oscar Wilde

Every once in awhile, we get lucky enough to have one of the greatest moments of our lives captured in a photograph. For me, this is one of those times.

After Jackie Beat announced that she wanted some photos with all the “funny ladies” in the room (GULP), she herded together Roseanne, Nadya Ginsburg, Jenny Pentland, Shawn Pelofsky, and your very own scandalous hag from Fresno. As I tentatively inched my fatass over, Jackie grabbed my shoulder and set me in place. Then, all of the sudden, I felt someone tap me on the arm. It was Roseanne. She said to me (and PLEASE hear this in your head in ROSEANNE’S INIMITABLE VOICE, I beg of you), “Hey, isn’t your name Muffy? I KNOW YOU.”

You see that look on my face? That is the look of a COMPLETE GEEK FAN GIRL.

That is the look of someone exchanging words with one of the actual reasons THAT THEY DO WHAT THEY DO AND THEY ARE WHO THEY ARE.

That is the look of someone WHO JUST HEARD GOD SAY THEIR NAME OUT LOUD.

That is the look of someone who is normally UNFLAPPABLE…LOOKING WAY FLAPPED. WAAAAAY FLAPPED.

I got to meet Roseanne. I can die a happy old hooker now.

BEST. NIGHT. EVER.

BEST. GUSBAND. EVER.

Thank you, Jinxie Beat.