“There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of the people you love. When you learn to tap this source, you will have truly defeated age.” — Sophia Loren
A couple of years ago, a very good friend and colleague of mine had the distinct pleasure of a lunch date with that magnificent Hollywood legend, Miss Angie Dickinson, at the infamous Polo Lounge at The Beverly Hills Hotel. Over highballs and Waldorf Salad, this Grande Dame of Hollywood Royalty enchanted him with a bevy of delightful stories from her amazing life, including the time she was approached to star in a project and asked to attend a subsequent meeting in Burbank to discuss the particulars. As the story goes, her driver delivered her to the address they were given, and when they arrived, she recalled thinking it rather odd that the meeting was not only being held in a high school auditorium, but that it was in the auditorium of the very same high school that she herself had attended many years before. She shrugged her glamorous, padded shoulders, and opened the door.
Once inside, instead of finding a few entertainment executives gathered around a conference table, she found lights, camera, a film crew, and an auditorium full of people — many of whom she recognized. Suddenly she found herself face to face with an enthusiastic gentleman in a tuxedo who stuck a microphone in her face and announced for all to hear, “Angie Dickinson — THIS IS YOUR LIFE!” She blinked, looked around the room, and then back at him, and with a face like granite, said:
“THE FUCK IT IS…”
She then turned on her shapely heel and walked out.
Now that, my friends, is a BADASS.
Age. This is how you fucking do it with style, grace, and FEROCITY. God, I am in love with her.
“Where there is age there is evolution, where there is life there is growth.” — Anjelica Huston
Because he serenades me with it in the car and gives this ol’ Fag Hag some SERIOUS tummy-flutters and goosebumps, this song will always and forever remind me of my sweet, dashing, and brilliant Gusband, Miss Jackie Beat — who lost his beautiful Baby this week.
I know that you miss her little tater tot body with everything that you are…but we will all be together again someday, Jinxie, I promise — especially after all our mortal cremains are collectively chucked into a magnificent urn and shaken, not stirred…and engraved on the side shall be:
“KISS OUR ASHES”
Can’t wait to mingle with you for all eternity, Bitch — and, trust me, you’re gonna look AWESOME with my Russian Shot-putter Legs.
My awesome friend, Miss Jenny Strauss, just posted the following hilarious admission on her Facebook page: “Confession: I think less of people with hotmail accounts. At least until I talk myself out of it.”
And here’s my own such confession:
I used to be disdainful of people with Hotmail accounts, as well — until one day it hit me that people who still have and use Hotmail accounts are actually PUNK AS FUCK.
Teddy, me boy, I only wish you could have lived long enough to see the “cause of your life” realized.
It is done.
“Quality care shouldn’t depend on your financial resources, or the type of job you have, or the medical condition you face. Every American should be able to get the same treatment that U.S. senators are entitled to.” — Senator Edward Kennedy
These ignorant, inbred motherfuckers have clearly confused “violent”…with “FIERCE.”
PS) And, while you’re here, please don’t forget to enjoy that Intellectual Giant’s left foot POETICALLY STANDING ON THE AMERICAN FLAG, won’t you? Some things you just can’t make up, my friends.
“Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim.” — Miss Nora Ephron. Writer, director, essayist, and all-around magnificent, fearless, truth-telling broad.
As a longtime Vegetarian — and, as of last year, enthusiastic Vegan — it has been ages and ages since I last scarfed a burger of any kind. And though I no longer support any of the meat production industries — for political, ethical, environmental, AND health reasons — I can still very clearly recall the Mystical Magical Childhood Deliciousness of the simple McDonald’s cheeseburger. Can you?
The fragrant, pillowy buns, the tart, hurried schmear of yellow mustard, the tiny, tasty pop of the reconstituted onions on your tongue.
But the very best part was when you were almost done, and you held between your small, raccoon pincers the greatest flavor of your young life, the last chomp, the one that was gonna make your itty eyes roll back in your bitty head — the one that you would never, ever forget. The thing I have always called: THE PICKLE BITE.
And even now, as a staunchly meat-free adult, I still use the same metaphor to describe something in my life that moves me, is meaningful to me, is precious to me, takes the top of my fucking head off. The Pickle Bite is something that I love with all my heart.
Miss Jackie Beat…you are my Pickle Bite.
“I’m not funny. What I am is brave.” — Lucille Ball
muffy bolding 