I was just having a delightful conversation with a treasured old friend about what makes truly beautiful offspring — her own GORGEOUS, BUTTERY BABES are half Anglo, half Cuban…and mine are (taking a DEEEEEP breath in preparation for this ancestral travesty) Sicilian, English, Irish, Scottish, German, Greek, Spanish, Mexican, Filipino, and, as we have most recently discovered, SEPHARDIC JEWISH!
The humble bitch then joked that, well, it was her husband who donated the Cubano batter to the recipe — and I reminded her that it is, in fact, the FUCKING MIX ITSELF that makes the magic happen. Certainly for my children, it has genetically served them well that their randy ancestors liked to fuck.
Of different people.
As their HARDLY IMPARTIAL MOTHER, I would argue that it’s specifically their MONGREL QUALITY that makes them luminous.
POUND-PUPPY PULCHRITUDE RULES!
Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.
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