Author Archives: muffybolding

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About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.

heart

Posted on December 1, 2015 by muffybolding

I ACCEPT THIS CHALLENGE…with ALL my heart. DO IT.

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bareback

Posted on November 12, 2015 by muffybolding

I just took a shower and warshed my bagine…and, now, on our way to the world famous Clifton’s Cafeteria in MIGHTY Downtown Los Angeles, my GLORIOUS GUSBAND — Miss Jackie Beat — is going to get me pregnant in the … Continue reading →

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trollop

Posted on November 12, 2015 by muffybolding

A trashy, tawdry Old Trollop…bathed in the filthy, meretricious neon lights of Hollywood Boulevard. Because OF COURSE. #whoneedsfiltersmakeupdignityorshamewhenyourfatassgotneon

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bad girl! SO GOOD!

Posted on November 12, 2015 by muffybolding

Yesterday morning: WRONG WAY, RUSH HOUR, FREEWAY CHASE WITH A GIRL DRIVER! Little Sister is fucking BRILLIANT and CRAFTY as — with NO cops on her ass and only helicopters above — she just shrewdly and systematically made her way … Continue reading →

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slurpee

Posted on November 12, 2015 by muffybolding

Because sometimes…you just need to put that gottdamned baby on the gottdamned floor and get yourself a Slurpee. I get it. Oh, trust me: I GET IT. ‪ #‎backoffmanimfromfresno‬

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badasses

Posted on November 12, 2015 by muffybolding

This is utterly gorgeous and utterly inspiring and makes me SO proud to be a girl. These broads are COMPLETE BADASSES. For risking their own lives in a last desperate attempt to save the lives of these over 100 terrified, … Continue reading →

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passaport

Posted on November 12, 2015 by muffybolding

WTF? Ten years already? Looks like it’s time for Mama to renew her passport. #FATTIELIKESFRANCE #FATTIELIKESFRENCHFRIES #YESIHAVEAVAGINAONMYNECK

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rachel

Posted on November 12, 2015 by muffybolding

Hmm…perhaps the crazed, pasty Right Wing Religious Fundies are right. Maybe it really IS The End of Times — because my fatass is crossing things off My Bucket List LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER. This photograph represents the latest check mark…and what … Continue reading →

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real witchy

Posted on November 12, 2015 by muffybolding

At some point in her illustrious career of ass-kicking, ball-busting, spell-casting, myth-weaving, shape-shifting, and LAYING WASTE TO ALL THOSE FOOLS WHO WOULD DARE ATTEMPT TO SUBDUE HER…every bonafide, self-respecting, card-carrying, RAGING HARRIDAN at long last comes into her FULL POWER … Continue reading →

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luis

Posted on October 12, 2015 by muffybolding

Whoever it is that ultimately ends up with the Democratic nomination for President — either Hillary OR Bernie — this AWESOME, BALLSY MOTHERFUCKER right here…Illinois Congressman Luis V. Gutierrez…is MY ABSOLUTE FIRST CHOICE FOR VEEP. Pay close attention, Mein Poppets … Continue reading →

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