Author Archives: muffybolding

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About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.

part wolf

Posted on October 7, 2015 by muffybolding

Jesus Gottdamned Christ. Have you ever noticed that convicts, outlaws, bikers, and old stoners ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS claim to be, “part Cherokee on my Mama’s side”? What the fuck is THAT all about? And, that no matter what kind of … Continue reading →

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siblings

Posted on October 7, 2015 by muffybolding

What more can I possibly say about myself and my 10 equally FIERCE and FERAL siblings…than that which is captured DEAD FUCKING ON in those two bottom pics, Mein Poppets. THOSE TWO PHOTOS ARE THE EPIC EMBODIMENT OF MY GODDAMNED … Continue reading →

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spooky

Posted on October 7, 2015 by muffybolding

Welcome, Welcome, BELOVED OCTOBER! Let the SEASON OF SCARY STUFF BEGIN! As our BEAUTIFUL Baby Goat once very earnestly said to me in her DEAD-ON GONZO MUPPET VOICE when she was just three years old: “I like to keep it … Continue reading →

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world’s best boy

Posted on October 7, 2015 by muffybolding

Mother of Maude. How DARLING and ADORABLE is My One True Love in his cute new spectacles? SWOOOOOOON! PS) Yes, I am married to Elvis Costello.

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bangers and mash

Posted on October 7, 2015 by muffybolding

If Miss Jane Hathaway and I had a baby together…this horrified, disgusted tiny nerd girl WOULD SURELY BE IT. Also: I CAN LITERALLY TELL THAT GUY’S GODDAMNED RELIGION JUST BY GAZING AMAZED AT THIS PHOTOGRAPH. Also: I was conceived in … Continue reading →

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mighty forces

Posted on October 7, 2015 by muffybolding

Even when it’s difficult and perilous and you feel like you cannot take one more breath nor one more step, you do…because even when it’s hard, life is still so fucking gorgeous. Never forget: Be bold, fight on, and MIGHTY … Continue reading →

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wishes

Posted on October 7, 2015 by muffybolding

The Fat Genie Who Looks Exactly Like Aunt Bea From “The Andy Griffith Show” says: RUB MY GUNT…and MAKE A WISH, BITCHES! Oh, and for the record: MAJOR NELSON CANNOT FUCK.

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teddy

Posted on October 7, 2015 by muffybolding

Now, THIS IS HOW YOU DO IT, Mein Poppets. Don’t worry about ANYBODY ELSE or what they are doing or what they are thinking or what they have that you don’t. FUCK ALL THAT. As ol’ Teddy Roosevelt once wisely … Continue reading →

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gay days

Posted on October 7, 2015 by muffybolding

OH, MY STARS! So, this weekend is Gay Days at Disneyland and last night my fatass is lying here all cozy with Gregory and Pearlie Mae…knitting and watching, “The Roosevelts” on PBS (Can you say OBSESSED?!) and from out of … Continue reading →

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FUN STUFF!

Posted on October 7, 2015 by muffybolding

Imagine my surprise and delight when a friend posted this FABULOUS rendering of an Old Hooker on my Facebook page today. CAN YOU EVEN BELIEVE? I am both blown away and HONORED BEYOND REASON. It’s perfect! The only thing missing … Continue reading →

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