Author Archives: muffybolding

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About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.

jackie, I want you to draw me like one of your french girls — wearing this…wearing ONLY this.

Posted on May 20, 2011 by muffybolding

Along with unparalleled love, friendship, belly laughter, Fag Haggery, and FUN, one of the many delightful benefits of being Mary’d to the generous and multi-talented Miss Jackie Beat: A FRESNO COUNTY FAIR CARTOON CARICATURE QUICKLY ETCHED ON THE PLACEMAT OF … Continue reading →

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viv

Posted on May 18, 2011 by muffybolding

I was asked on a date recently by the notorious and delightful Mario Diaz — and as if that alone wasn’t enough of a thrill for a fat girl from Fresno…the date was to see a show performed by his … Continue reading →

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roseanne

Posted on May 16, 2011 by muffybolding

Speaking now as a writer, a performer, a creatress, a whore, a feminist, an activist, a fomenteur, a shitkicker, a ballbuster, a mother, a broad, a fatass, and simply a woman…may I say that this piece by Roseanne Barr could … Continue reading →

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h-e-double-chicken-legs

Posted on May 16, 2011 by muffybolding

Oh, my. If I and all my brilliant, degenerate, scandalous friends had been alive in Paris at the turn of the last century — and, god knows, WE SHOULDA BEEN — this place SO would’ve been OUR HANG. Brimstone martini, … Continue reading →

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footwork

Posted on May 11, 2011 by muffybolding

Over the past few years, yet another completely original art-form has arisen from African-American culture. Just like gospel, blues, jazz, rock n’ roll, rap, hip-hop, breakdancing, Vogueing, and so much more before it, Footwork — originating straight outta the corners, … Continue reading →

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you fuck with me at your own peril, my friend

Posted on May 10, 2011 by muffybolding
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TBG

Posted on May 9, 2011 by muffybolding

Gosh, yesterday was so relaxing — just hanging out at home with my One True Love and all the babies, drinking coffee, knitting, and reading to my heart’s content. Then, last night, a delicious Kimchi orgy of EPIC proportions at … Continue reading →

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“when you grow up, your heart dies.”

Posted on May 6, 2011 by muffybolding

“The Breakfast Club really bothered me. This is, like, an iconic movie, and the coolest character, Ally Sheedy, goes from being this interesting, quirky girl to being made ‘hot’ so she can make out with frickin’ Emilio Estevez? Give me … Continue reading →

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god-dog-god-dog-god-dog-god-dog-god-dog-god-dog

Posted on May 6, 2011 by muffybolding

Pearlie Mae the Stowaway. Love of my life, sunshine of my very existence. My 4 pound reason for living. Someday, her ashes, along with Gregory’s and Frances’, will mingle with my own — and all of us will reside on … Continue reading →

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chum

Posted on May 5, 2011 by muffybolding

A most heartfelt, post-assassination message to the bastard naysayers on both the Right AND the Left: Calm down, Mary — one thing at a time. The fucking government issue assault rifles are still smokin’ and the hammerhead sharks are just … Continue reading →

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