Author Archives: muffybolding

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About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.

all gussied up

Posted on July 21, 2010 by muffybolding

This morning, my old friend — the awesome, intrepid artist, Gabriel Liston — posted simply the following as his Facebook status update: “muffybook”…to which I curiously inquired if he were referring to me…or to some hot, new, vaginally-inclined social networking … Continue reading →

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"okay, faggot — what’s next?"

Posted on July 21, 2010 by muffybolding

My god, Dom DeLuise was a BONAFIDE GODDAMNED GENIUS. Watch this and marvel, my friends. Even though every blasted second of it is sheer brilliance, please know that when he uses his scepter to casually scratch his GUNT at :45, … Continue reading →

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liv

Posted on July 21, 2010 by muffybolding

Oh, my god, I am the only one awake in this house and I just went in and made my fatass some REALLY GOOD, REALLY STRONG French roast and while it was a’ brewin’, I did a bit of washing … Continue reading →

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caesaria

Posted on July 21, 2010 by muffybolding

I’ve decided that I no longer wish to think. I just want to sit my fatass in a big fat gilded Roman throne and take one bite out of a turkey leg and throw it back over my shoulder before … Continue reading →

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that’s quite a frank you got there, sir

Posted on July 20, 2010 by muffybolding

Though I am a fervent, passionate, longtime supporter of gay rights — and, in fact, tend to be surrounded by magnificent gay men at all times, aka I AM THE EMPRESS OF HAGS — I still feel very strongly that … Continue reading →

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"I will show you fear in a handful of dust"

Posted on July 20, 2010 by muffybolding

I only fear three things in this godforsaken world: 1) Someone I love getting hurt, getting sick, or dying. 2) Becoming irrelevant. and 3) A MOTHERFUCKING JUNEBUG FLYING INTO MY MOTHERFUCKING HAIR. God, I hate those bastards. So, there’s MY … Continue reading →

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yikies

Posted on July 20, 2010 by muffybolding

Oh, wait. I cannot believe I forgot to include THE GRAND POOBAH of all my worst fears — the one that actually landed my fatass in a mental health facility on suicide watch at one point, way back in the … Continue reading →

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i heart DFW

Posted on July 20, 2010 by muffybolding

I’m sitting at a Dodgers game with my boys, Otis and Gregory, and every five minutes I quietly pull up this photograph of my beloved boyfriend, DFW, on my iphone and pretend to make out with it…and ol’ Otis is … Continue reading →

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the biggest star

Posted on July 19, 2010 by muffybolding

Even though all good children know that the TRUEST, MOST SHIMMERING BRILLIANCE in Big Star actually dwelled within Chris Bell…that doesn’t change the fact that I’m STILL IN LOVE…WITH THIS SONG.

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st. paulie’s girl

Posted on July 17, 2010 by muffybolding

GODDAMNIT, I loathe Summer. I need a CHILL BREEZE blowin’ across my vagina for me to be a happy and productive person. The searing heat that is currently Los Angeles is STRICTLY OFF TRACK. What I need right now is … Continue reading →

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