Category Archives: categories can suck my dick

This morning, my old friend — the awesome, intrepid artist, Gabriel Liston — posted simply the following as his Facebook status update: “muffybook”…to which I curiously inquired if he were referring to me…or to some hot, new, vaginally-inclined social networking … Continue reading →

My god, Dom DeLuise was a BONAFIDE GODDAMNED GENIUS. Watch this and marvel, my friends. Even though every blasted second of it is sheer brilliance, please know that when he uses his scepter to casually scratch his GUNT at :45, … Continue reading →

Oh, my god, I am the only one awake in this house and I just went in and made my fatass some REALLY GOOD, REALLY STRONG French roast and while it was a’ brewin’, I did a bit of washing … Continue reading →

I’ve decided that I no longer wish to think. I just want to sit my fatass in a big fat gilded Roman throne and take one bite out of a turkey leg and throw it back over my shoulder before … Continue reading →

Though I am a fervent, passionate, longtime supporter of gay rights — and, in fact, tend to be surrounded by magnificent gay men at all times, aka I AM THE EMPRESS OF HAGS — I still feel very strongly that … Continue reading →

I only fear three things in this godforsaken world: 1) Someone I love getting hurt, getting sick, or dying. 2) Becoming irrelevant. and 3) A MOTHERFUCKING JUNEBUG FLYING INTO MY MOTHERFUCKING HAIR. God, I hate those bastards. So, there’s MY … Continue reading →

Oh, wait. I cannot believe I forgot to include THE GRAND POOBAH of all my worst fears — the one that actually landed my fatass in a mental health facility on suicide watch at one point, way back in the … Continue reading →

I’m sitting at a Dodgers game with my boys, Otis and Gregory, and every five minutes I quietly pull up this photograph of my beloved boyfriend, DFW, on my iphone and pretend to make out with it…and ol’ Otis is … Continue reading →

Even though all good children know that the TRUEST, MOST SHIMMERING BRILLIANCE in Big Star actually dwelled within Chris Bell…that doesn’t change the fact that I’m STILL IN LOVE…WITH THIS SONG.

GODDAMNIT, I loathe Summer. I need a CHILL BREEZE blowin’ across my vagina for me to be a happy and productive person. The searing heat that is currently Los Angeles is STRICTLY OFF TRACK. What I need right now is … Continue reading →