My awesome daughter, Anne, AKA “The Baby Goat” and Nick, the son of one of my oldest and dearest friends, Kirby; Los Angeles, December, 2010.
Kirby and I were both pregnant at the same time and yes, we BOTH breastfed BOTH of these babies, a fact which makes them BOTH COMPLETELY BATSHIT CRAZY when we remind them about it…which, as you can well imagine, is ALL THE FUCKING TIME.
I’ll bite both of their gorgeous, little beaks off. YOU HAVE NO IDEA.
Look what your rage, horror, revulsion, and disgust over my latest Facebook status update caused, Miss Ayun Halliday.
THIS IS YOUR FAULT. YOU DID THIS. There are frantic, traumatized Hoosier housewives running rampant throughout the state — having shotgun-stress-diarrhea in Starbucks bathrooms from Gary to Terre Haute — all because you couldn’t keep your dang-blasted judgment to yourself. How you sleep at night, I shall NEVER know. Good day, sir!
YOU GOTTA BE FUCKING KIDDING ME WITH THIS.
That’s a MOGWAI and a POSER and a SWEET-LIPPED BABY GIRL!
Mama LOVES YOU, Miss Pearlie Mae!
Ever since I was an odd, tiny lass growing up in Fresno, California, I have frequently seen things in my head that would eventually come to pass, and I know, without a smattering of doubt, that my life is going to radically and irreversibly change in 2011. I feel as though I am gazing directly into The Looking Glass, if that makes any sense — and as I clasp hands and hold tight with Gregory and our babies…I feel light-as-air and fearless and ready to step through.
BRING IT.
Wall Street Crocheted Yarnbomb Graffiti.
COMPLETELY ON TRACK.
Muffy’s Humbling & Astonishing Hollywood Moment #223: Sashaying the aisles at Fresh and Easy with Miss Jackie Beat, BELLY LAUGHING, breaking each other’s balls every five, pilfering yummy food samples, and then, when using the automated scanner to ring up $250 worth of grub, looking down to the end of the conveyor belt and realizing that THE GREATEST INTERNATIONAL DRAG SUPERSTAR ON THE PLANET IS LOVINGLY PACKING MY GROCERIES FOR ME WITH GREAT CARE. Thank you, Miss Jackie! I love you!
Merry, Merry, Mein Poppets! May your day be grand and your New Year be DELIGHTFUL, ASTONISHING, ENLIGHTENING, and LUCRATIVE…and filled with ADVENTURES UNENDING. With love…from me. xoxo
Three delightful Pork Rinds.
I will gnaw on every single cute buttcheek in this picture.
No. Seriously.
I’ve noticed that when interesting, stylish women hit about 40, they inevitably get themselves a gimmick. Carrie Donovan, Lynn Yaeger, Anna Wintour, Vivienne Westwood, Betsey Johnson, Fran Lebowitz, Grace Coddington, et al. Distinctive spectacles, vivid hair, costumey clothing.
The message: “Guess what, pal? You might not want to fuck me anymore, BUT GODDAMNIT, YOU AIN’T GONNA FORGET ME.”
One of my most festive and favorite holiday traditions is going to Tiffany and Co. the week before Christmas…and seeing all the boyfriends and husbands dutifully lined up out the door and around the block like soulless robots, each terrified and desperately clutching one of those little, light-blue catalogs with various posh baubles and trinkets vigorously circled in Black Sharpie within.
They all know the fucking drill: No Elsa Peretti? NO PUSSY.
muffy bolding 