Author Archives: muffybolding

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About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.

what a dame

Posted on August 6, 2013 by muffybolding

When things get toilsome and perilous, as they do in EVERY SINGLE LIFE, this is one of the mantras that I repeat over and over again to give me courage, strength, and sass. It has NEVER failed me. Liz has … Continue reading →

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survey SAYS…

Posted on August 4, 2013 by muffybolding

If I were a month I would be: October. If I were a day of the week I would be: Wednesday. If I were a time of day I would be: 11:17 p.m. If I were a planet I would … Continue reading →

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hb, jb!

Posted on August 2, 2013 by muffybolding

Happy Birthday, to my GORGEOUS GUSBAND, Miss Jackie Beat! You FINALLY got your BIG, FANCY, FESTIVE, FABULOUS, FRAMILY PARTY! Now…SHUT THE FUCK UP. We LOVE YOU!

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finally

Posted on August 2, 2013 by muffybolding

Some people say The Lord’s Prayer, repeat Hail Mary’s, or whisper ancient Buddhist chants whilst rolling sandalwood beads between their divinity-seeking fingers. But The Universe Itself is MY GOD…so all I got is myself AND ALL THAT IS, WAS, AND … Continue reading →

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girl

Posted on August 2, 2013 by muffybolding

I am a genre all unto myself, bitches. That’s right…I am an OLD, FAT, TIRED, SAGGY, WHISKERED, MENOPAUSAL, MANIC PIXIE DREAM CRONE. Come und get it, boys!

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RIP cory monteith

Posted on August 2, 2013 by muffybolding

I know that it is only human nature to lionize those who pass before us — to make them seem bigger and better in death than they ever wever were in life…but with Cory Monteith, that was simply not the … Continue reading →

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between

Posted on August 2, 2013 by muffybolding

All of my scandalous life, I have been attracted to The Spaces In Between — those areas without rules, without limits, without care nor concern for the preconceived notions of others. I like to swing the camera around to the … Continue reading →

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I RAGE

Posted on August 2, 2013 by muffybolding

In 1994, as I watched Susan Smith — who also ruthlessly murdered her own children and then blamed it on some mysterious, non-existent, black marauder — cry for the cameras and beg that her missing pre-school aged sons be returned … Continue reading →

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THIS IS A LITTLE BABY!

Posted on August 2, 2013 by muffybolding

This is a LITTLE TINY BABY and Mother likes to KISS HER ON THE LITTLE TINY BABY LIPS! The love of my motherlovin’ life: Miss Pearlie Mae.  

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good trade

Posted on August 2, 2013 by muffybolding

I have never, ever understood humanity’s moral problem with willing, equal, empowered adults bartering sexual favors for products or services. Sex is a product AND a service — and, by god, it is VALUABLE. In fact, it is the most … Continue reading →

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