Author Archives: muffybolding

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About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.

goat poem

Posted on July 29, 2013 by muffybolding

When she was seven. A poem to her teacher, by our very own Baby Goat, Anne. Fierce then. Fierce NOW. God, I love and admire this girl. She’s now 22. I think we did good. LOOK OUT, WORLD.

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FEN

Posted on July 29, 2013 by muffybolding

  And because of this, Jesus punished me…and now I HAVE FLORIDA EVANS’ NECK. Jesus don’t want my fatass for a sunbeam. Esther Rolle was GODDESS.

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brown skin and spicy tongues

Posted on July 20, 2013 by muffybolding

Huh. I don’t know about this. With all due respect to those who might disagree with me and those whose experiences might be different than my own, but this just seems to be more of the whole, “Oh, My God, … Continue reading →

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requiescat in pace, miss helen

Posted on July 20, 2013 by muffybolding

It’s not just that she was a CONSTANT, RELENTLESS, RUTHLESS, TRUTH-SEEKING, IRRITANT to the most powerful men in the world who hid behind an iconic podium and shook and cowered in their $2,000 shoes before her — it was that … Continue reading →

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harper

Posted on July 14, 2013 by muffybolding

“As you grow older, you’ll see white men cheat black men every day of your life, but let me tell you something and don’t you forget it — whenever a white man does that to a black man, no matter … Continue reading →

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FUCK. SHIT. UP.

Posted on July 12, 2013 by muffybolding

“People are taking the piss out of you everyday. They butt into your life, take a cheap shot at you and then disappear. They leer at you from tall buildings and make you feel small. They make flippant comments from … Continue reading →

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proof

Posted on July 11, 2013 by muffybolding

Vacuous Muff Fact #977: I meticulously keep every receipt I receive from every department store, Ethiopian restaurant, dry cleaner, dress tailor, hot dog stand, yarn shop, and library check-out — not because I am some uber-bookkeeper (in fact, I am … Continue reading →

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age rage sage

Posted on July 11, 2013 by muffybolding

“We get covered up, we disappear, not to be seen, because we are no longer young and beautiful and sexually desirable. That’s such a shame because everywhere else in the world they prop older women up on statues and platforms … Continue reading →

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survey says!

Posted on July 8, 2013 by muffybolding

“Wife.” – the number one answer given on Family Feud to the survey question, “Name one thing that men replace when they achieve wealth and status.” God, I love this fucking country.

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jack

Posted on July 8, 2013 by muffybolding

It don’t matter. Saggy, shriveled, ancient balls that look exactly like Black Mission figs or not (GOOGLE THEM. I BEG OF YOU) — I would SO totally nail this fucking guy…if for NO other reason than just to be able … Continue reading →

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