Author Archives: muffybolding

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About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.

happy father’s day, daddy!

Posted on June 16, 2013 by muffybolding

Sestina To My Father, Who Now Smokes Only In His Heart (for Thomas Cipro) The best spent evening on this goddamned earth, is lying around, having a smoke, inhaling Brautigan, Berryman, and Bellow, dispatching children to the Land of Dreams … Continue reading →

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willie

Posted on June 12, 2013 by muffybolding

Yesterday I heard my new favorite fucking joke: What’s the worst thing that Willie Nelson can say to you after you’ve just given Willie Nelson a blowjob? “I’M NOT WILLIE NELSON.”

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FIERCE

Posted on June 6, 2013 by muffybolding

“You just do it. You force yourself to get up. You force yourself to put one foot before the other, and goddamnit, you refuse to let it get to you. You fight. You cry. You curse. Then you go about … Continue reading →

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wayback machine

Posted on May 31, 2013 by muffybolding

It’s Flashback Fucking Friday, bitches. Here I am. Here I was.

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us

Posted on May 31, 2013 by muffybolding

My husband, Gregory, is my best friend in the world. In fact, he is the best friend I have EVER had — and, without question, the most noble, devoted, compassionate, brilliant person I have ever known. I would not have … Continue reading →

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divine bottom

Posted on May 30, 2013 by muffybolding

So, my beloved phone apparently had an INEXPLICABLY DICKISH moment yesterday…and jettisoned all of my precious phone contacts into the goddamned ethers. Just in case you didn’t fully understand what I am saying to you: ALL. OF. MY. FUCKING. PRECIOUS. … Continue reading →

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in the mix

Posted on May 30, 2013 by muffybolding

I was just having a delightful conversation with a treasured old friend about what makes truly beautiful offspring — her own GORGEOUS, BUTTERY BABES are half Anglo, half Cuban…and mine are (taking a DEEEEEP breath in preparation for this ancestral … Continue reading →

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wonder

Posted on May 29, 2013 by muffybolding

In solidarity with my sisters and our struggles all over the world for equality, safety, education, opportunity, prosperity, influence, and dominion over our own bodies and our own destinies, I would now like to throw my full support behind the … Continue reading →

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i like me!

Posted on May 28, 2013 by muffybolding

Profoundly inspired by Jessica, the delightful little girl caught on video telling herself in the bathroom mirror just how gottdamned awesome she is, this old hooker felt compelled to march her fatass right on over to the computer to write … Continue reading →

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agnes

Posted on May 25, 2013 by muffybolding

When I was a little girl, watching Endora and Uncle Arthur on “Bewitched” changed my life — altered my consciousness, made me laugh, made me rapt, made me giddy, made me long for a world, a way of life, and … Continue reading →

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