Author Archives: muffybolding

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About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.

marx

Posted on April 5, 2013 by muffybolding

“You know, I don’t believe in religion, or the hereafter. Not at all. I discussed the subject with Chico and Harpo a couple of years before they died. They said they’d get in touch with me if there were a … Continue reading →

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v v

Posted on April 5, 2013 by muffybolding

A couple of years ago, I was at a dinner party — and I was lucky enough to be seated next to the hugely talented and adorable writer and actor, Tara Karsian…who is one of the funniest goddamned woman I … Continue reading →

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soph

Posted on April 5, 2013 by muffybolding

“From birth to 18, a girl needs good parents. From 18 to 35, she needs good looks. From 35 to 55, good personality. From 55 on, she needs good cash. I’m saving my money.” — Miss Sophie Tucker (Who was, … Continue reading →

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on behalf of women everywhere: KISS MY FATASS

Posted on April 5, 2013 by muffybolding

Hollywood FUCKED Rule #2: I had two AWESOME, HILARIOUS old friends — who, sadly, both recently passed away — who together ran a successful casting agency since the 70s. A few years ago, I sat in on a casting session … Continue reading →

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truth

Posted on April 5, 2013 by muffybolding

Hollywood FUCKED Rule #1: An actress’ job is NOT to act. Acting is secondary to her main job — which is TO NOT EAT.

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truth

Posted on April 5, 2013 by muffybolding

Inane Muff Fact #994: Whenever I attend the wedding of anyone under the age of 30, I put on one of my fanciest black dresses and vintage brooches, I bring an AWESOME gift I know the couple will adore, I … Continue reading →

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true love

Posted on March 27, 2013 by muffybolding

When I was a little girl growing up in Fresno, California, I would rush home everyday after school so I could watch, “Match Game.” The delightfully unholy union of these two FABULOUS, HILARIOUS people was why. And even though I … Continue reading →

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“the years teach much which the days never knew.” — ralph waldo emerson

Posted on March 26, 2013 by muffybolding

1. What time did you get up this morning? 7 cockeatin’ 30. I had to squirt the ol’ clam, as well as the clam of a tiny chihuahua, and we just couldn’t wait. It was a medical emergency. Also, I … Continue reading →

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dick

Posted on March 22, 2013 by muffybolding

My Fellow Countrymen and Countrywomen: What a grand, glorious, and festive week this is! Happy 10th Anniversary of the US Invasion of Iraq!…the cause of which is the greatest, most expensive, most despicable, most murderous, most malfeasant, most EVIL LIE … Continue reading →

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no fear of the dark

Posted on March 18, 2013 by muffybolding

“I have lived with the prospect of an early death for the last 49 years. I’m not afraid of death, but I’m in no hurry to die. I have so much I want to do first. I regard the brain … Continue reading →

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