Author Archives: muffybolding

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About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.

chocolate hearts and puckered bungs

Posted on February 14, 2011 by muffybolding

Someone once asked me if I believe in or appreciate romance. The answer is yes, but I suspect it’s probably my very own brand of romance. As in, if my husband forgets my birthday or our anniversary or Valentine’s Day … Continue reading →

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shut up and act

Posted on February 8, 2011 by muffybolding

“When an actor comes to me and wants to discuss his character, I say, ‘It’s in the script.’ If he says, ‘But, what’s my motivation?, ‘ I say, ‘Your salary.’” — Alfred Hitchcock

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happy birthday, ronnie!

Posted on February 6, 2011 by muffybolding

Knitter PLEASE. Ronald Reagan — along with any modern revisionist bastards who actually attempt to front that that ol’ babbling, bumbling, hen-pecked, pussy-whipped meathook was ANYTHING even remotely resembling a “Great Communicator” — CAN FUCKING SUCK IT. C’mon, people, let’s … Continue reading →

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alabaster stool

Posted on February 3, 2011 by muffybolding

Question: Remember when you were a little kid walking home from school and you’d always see several old, crusty piles of WHITE DOG SHIT on various lawns along your journey? How come you NEVER see white dog shit anymore? *Sigh* … Continue reading →

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no further statement necessary

Posted on January 27, 2011 by muffybolding
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THINK I DIDN’T?

Posted on January 25, 2011 by muffybolding

“Before I begin, I would like to say what an honor it is for me to be invited here to read my work for all of you…and to ask that you please indulge me for just a moment. Um…okay. ME? … Continue reading →

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i heart harry

Posted on January 25, 2011 by muffybolding

When I was a teenager in Fresno, California, I went to see, “Clash of the Titans” at the Fig Garden Village Cinema with my friends. Afterward, as we emerged into the scorching San Joaquin Valley sun, I remember thinking three … Continue reading →

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oh, my stars!

Posted on January 24, 2011 by muffybolding

One of the most blissful and monumental memories of my childhood is sitting next to my father, Tom, in the dark of Strasenburgh Planetarium in Rochester, New York — gazing up at the stars and out into the infinite universe, … Continue reading →

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red velvet

Posted on January 21, 2011 by muffybolding

Many thanks to my delightful friend, Miss Jackie Beat, for making me belly laugh so fucking hard last night that I squirted urine into my white cotton granny panties on AT LEAST four separate occasions! And it is only for … Continue reading →

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“i could have danced all night…”

Posted on January 13, 2011 by muffybolding

I spent yesterday doing what I pretty much do everyday — writing on the latest movie screenplay (am even approaching the homestretch — hurray!), and then spent last night workshopping some writing with my glorious girls, Miss Becky Thyre and … Continue reading →

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