Author Archives: muffybolding

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About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.

shitlist

Posted on September 4, 2010 by muffybolding

Yesterday, my friend, Miss Jackie Beat, posted the following query on my wall — ” I need to know, WHO PISSED YOU OFF!?” Here is my response: Phyllis Schlafly. ANYONE, ANYWHERE who harms a child or an animal. The angry, … Continue reading →

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"and the inquisition’s here, and it’s here to stay!"

Posted on September 4, 2010 by muffybolding

YOU GOTTA BE FUCKING KIDDING ME WITH THIS. I already have an inexplicable, scorching case of diarrhea — and now I unexpectedly start my period, as well? This is a GODDAMNED OUTRAGE, I tell you. Now I know what a … Continue reading →

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truth. mine.

Posted on September 3, 2010 by muffybolding

An open letter to all you ANNOYING Self-Appointed Language Police Pricks out there. Here’s my heartfelt message to you: GO FUCK YOURSELF. The language? She is MINE…to do with as I please. I wake up with copies of Strunk and … Continue reading →

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cold war hookers

Posted on September 3, 2010 by muffybolding

I was recently informed that I look like a vintage Cold War Russian spy in my picture with the faux fur coat and ancient black spectacles so, in celebration, I have adopted an appropriate top secret moniker…but SHHHHHH! Don’t tell … Continue reading →

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truth — miss jackie beat’s

Posted on September 3, 2010 by muffybolding

“At a certain age, everyone finally admits to loving babies, puppies and California.” — Miss Jackie Beat (Goddamn, I LOVE my brilliant friends!)

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you gottdamned right they do

Posted on September 2, 2010 by muffybolding

This morning as I was taking my son, Otis, to school, I was thinking about how very lucky I am to be married to My One True Love — which then led to thoughts of what exactly makes a good … Continue reading →

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sauron shrugged

Posted on September 1, 2010 by muffybolding

“There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, … Continue reading →

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THE SECRET

Posted on August 30, 2010 by muffybolding

I have made an executive decision: Up ’til now, so much of my story has been about what I have survived or overcome. Henceforth, it will be about me SPLINTERING INTO A MILLION TINY PIECES the souls and bones of … Continue reading →

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ON TRACK

Posted on August 29, 2010 by muffybolding

And speaking about my friends treating my fatass to AWESOME KNITTING ACCOUTREMENT…while we were shooting our most recent movie, I posted a picture that captured my on-set knit shit, and my friend, Jennifer Irwin, noticed that — like the Fresno … Continue reading →

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thy will be done

Posted on August 29, 2010 by muffybolding

The 11th Commandment: DO NOT COVET THY MUFFSTER’S SNAP-LOOP, MOTHERFUCKERS. This is the VERY ESSENCE of ON TRACK.

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