Category Archives: categories can suck my dick

“You know, I don’t believe in religion, or the hereafter. Not at all. I discussed the subject with Chico and Harpo a couple of years before they died. They said they’d get in touch with me if there were a … Continue reading →

A couple of years ago, I was at a dinner party — and I was lucky enough to be seated next to the hugely talented and adorable writer and actor, Tara Karsian…who is one of the funniest goddamned woman I … Continue reading →

“From birth to 18, a girl needs good parents. From 18 to 35, she needs good looks. From 35 to 55, good personality. From 55 on, she needs good cash. I’m saving my money.” — Miss Sophie Tucker (Who was, … Continue reading →

Hollywood FUCKED Rule #2: I had two AWESOME, HILARIOUS old friends — who, sadly, both recently passed away — who together ran a successful casting agency since the 70s. A few years ago, I sat in on a casting session … Continue reading →

Hollywood FUCKED Rule #1: An actress’ job is NOT to act. Acting is secondary to her main job — which is TO NOT EAT.

Inane Muff Fact #994: Whenever I attend the wedding of anyone under the age of 30, I put on one of my fanciest black dresses and vintage brooches, I bring an AWESOME gift I know the couple will adore, I … Continue reading →

When I was a little girl growing up in Fresno, California, I would rush home everyday after school so I could watch, “Match Game.” The delightfully unholy union of these two FABULOUS, HILARIOUS people was why. And even though I … Continue reading →

1. What time did you get up this morning? 7 cockeatin’ 30. I had to squirt the ol’ clam, as well as the clam of a tiny chihuahua, and we just couldn’t wait. It was a medical emergency. Also, I … Continue reading →

My Fellow Countrymen and Countrywomen: What a grand, glorious, and festive week this is! Happy 10th Anniversary of the US Invasion of Iraq!…the cause of which is the greatest, most expensive, most despicable, most murderous, most malfeasant, most EVIL LIE … Continue reading →

“I have lived with the prospect of an early death for the last 49 years. I’m not afraid of death, but I’m in no hurry to die. I have so much I want to do first. I regard the brain … Continue reading →