muffy bolding

Bliss.

#rainydayinLA
#cozieddownwithfritoedbabies
#chihuahuamattress
#pearliemaeencrustedgunt
#MOTHEROFDRAGONS

I am bereft.

I will miss you all the rest of my days…ASTONISHING, FASCINATING, KIND, COMPASSIONATE, SUPPORTIVE, GENIUS, HILARIOUS old comrade. You were EVERYTHING all at once to so many people — actor, writer, artist, storyteller, chronicler, comedian, poet, bon vivant, improbable conversationalist, BRILLIANT BASTARD, passionate friend. What an extraordinary fucking gift you were to this world. We shall not see your like pass this way again…as there couldn’t POSSIBLY be another you. Ever.

I love you.

Requiescat in pace, Taylor Negron. 

Inane Muff Edict #488: I hereby officially decree 2015 as the Year of The MAGNIFICENT Dinner Party — whereupon I shall don my faux-Pucci caftan, ready the orange mod fondue-pot, dust off the Eydie Gorme albums, and summon to my and Gregory‘s GLORIOUS vintage Heywood Wakefield dining table various clusters and gaggles of all the FABULOUS, FASCINATING FRIENDS from all different factions of our life together — writers, artists, actors, cholas, singers, scientists, seamstresses, sodomites, musicians, magicians, cartoonists, comedians, crafters, activists, drag queens, photographers, producers, performers, zinesters, hookers, degenerates, trolls, rogues, ruffians, and n’er do wells of all backgrounds and varying criminal histories…and then SHOVEL THEM YUMMY GRUB and FACILITATE them all collaborating creatively and falling madly in love with each other every bit as much as I am MADLY IN LOVE with all of them.

I like friends, I like food, I like fun. Oh, yeah…and most of all:

FATTIE LIKES FLAVOR!

I really am a Lucky Slut — and don’t think my trashy Fresno self don’t know it.

Let the INTRICATE CRAFTING OF THE GUEST LISTS COMMENCE!

I have said this many times before, but it bears repeating more on this UNIMAGINABLY TRAGIC DAY than it ever has:

MAKE NO MISTAKE…the harder that The Thought Terrorists of The World attempt to stifle, censor, silence, and destroy those who satirize politics, culture, and religion…the HARDER and FIERCER motherfuckers like me, my friends, my colleagues, and those FEARLESS editorial cartoonists — who were senselessly murdered today in Paris for speaking THEIR MINDS and speaking THEIR TRUTHS — will push back.

Trust me, IGNORANT, DICKLESS, MASKED ASSHOLES of The World…there is SO MUCH MORE COMING. An ENDLESS stream of IRREVERENT voices — who don’t fear you, respect you, or GIVE A FUCK what you think, feel, or believe — OPENLY MOCKING ALL THAT YOU ARE…which, as you have shown us today, IDN’T MUCH.

But, the very best part? That with your despicable, inhuman actions today, know that it was YOU who summoned us all forth to rise up together against you and reveal you as the truly PATHETIC, IRRELEVANT, COWARDLY WORMS that you are.

You have won…NOTHING.

(Artwork by the brilliant Lucille Clerc.)

Welp, that’s it. Two doctors concur:

Tomorrow, it’s back to the BIG, BAD, BUTCH MEDS FOR A BITCH.

BRING IT.

Since ancient times, when the Japanese mend broken objects, rather than attempting to restore them to their previously unsullied state, they instead aggrandize the damage by filling the cracks with gold. They believe that when something has suffered damage and survives, it becomes even more beautiful and valuable for having been broken in the first place. They enhance and celebrate the history and flaws of a thing because they believe that there in the IMPERFECTION…lies UTTER PERFECTION.

Marvelous people keep asking me about my hopes, dreams, wishes, and goals for 2015, and here, finally is my simple response to their kind queries:

After one of the most difficult, perilous years of my life — a year where, quite honestly, there were moments when I wasn’t sure I was even going to fucking survive — my mantra for 2015 is…Kintsukuroi: “To repair with gold.”

May we celebrate and honor our fractures, cracks, and flaws…and may we ALL be mended with gold.

Happy New Year…and ONWARD!

Yes, yes, yes, I know that ancestry.com and the like have already collected, deciphered, configured, and provided the genetic and ethnic ancestry on verily MILLIONS of people all over the world who seek to know from whence they came. But, believe me when I tell you, Mein Poppets…they have NOT YET encountered a sketchy, godless, muddled, fuckmachine heritage like mine. As I have said before, I come from a long line of people who like to fuck.

A LOT.

Of different people.

A LOT.

Myself and my kin are a GODDAMNED DISGRACE — but, boy howdy, we sure know how to party and we SURE CAN FUCK. In fact, aside from burglary, larceny, fraudulence, and drugs, it’s pretty much ALL we CAN do. Hey, man…we’re from Fresno. FUCK OFF.

At any rate, rest assured that when ancestry.comreceives my sparkly spittle in the post in a couple of days and feeds it into their machine, that sonofabitch is gonna be smokin’, stutterin’, sputterin’, and SPARKIN’ WHITE HOT tryin’ to break that shit down for a motherfucker. I predict that sucker’ll be a goner LOOOOOOONG before it even gets to the delightful Pacific-Islander “Comfort Women” portion of the program. I pity the fool.

All I can say is…WAIT’LL THEY GET A LOAD OF ME.

In celebration of 2015, please enjoy these photos of two of The Moons of My Life:

My FIERCE, FABULOUS, FUNNY baby girls, who are spending the holidays off on GRAND ADVENTURES with their respective One True Loves in both New York City and Las Vegas.

THESE ARE ALL LITTLE BABIES! And MOTHER LIKETH TO KITH THEM ON THE LIPTH!