Author Archives: muffybolding

About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.

scary, scary

Posted on January 19, 2006 by muffybolding

Billy arrived in Nashville this afternoon to begin all the pre-production work for the film. He called me the second he got there to tell me that I couldn’t get my fatass out there FAST ENOUGH — as there appears … Continue reading →

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acte est fabula

Posted on January 18, 2006 by muffybolding

If you can read this…you made the cut, motherfucker.

Posted in categories can suck my dick | 116 Comments

le finger

Posted on January 16, 2006 by muffybolding

Christ, through all of the keening and lamentation of late, I almost forgot to tell you about my latest, greatest news! Guess whose sweet, darling, psychic husband bought her THE GREATEST CHRISTMAS GIFT OF ALL TIME? Yeah. That’s right. Mine. … Continue reading →

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yawn your standard dear john letter…how very common of me

Posted on January 15, 2006 by muffybolding

Lawdie, lawdie, lawdie…there has been FAR too much drama around here lately for MY fatass. And as much as I wish I could play, no can do. As little Georgie Harrison used to so brilliantly say before he was dead, … Continue reading →

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upon the death of the biggest, baddest mama of them all

Posted on January 14, 2006 by muffybolding

Awhile ago, my son, Hunter, and his entire crew of then-11 year old skateboard buddies were lounging around my living room — eating Hot Cheetos, drinking root beer, and watching South Park. I had an appointment and was way in … Continue reading →

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perhaps a little friday confessional skullduggery will cheer me

Posted on January 13, 2006 by muffybolding

Okay, bitches, because I miss it so gottdamned much and occasionally just gotta have it (and because I KNOW all you wicked, sinful bastards undoubtedly have lots to confess!)…step right up, pull that strand of rosary beads slowly out of … Continue reading →

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the first gut is the deepest

Posted on January 12, 2006 by muffybolding

I received a query to today’s omnipresent community amnesty meme from one of the most fascinating and talented women on my friends list — . In it, she makes mention of an earlier comment I had made elsewhere about how … Continue reading →

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meme truffle

Posted on January 9, 2006 by muffybolding

1. What time did you get up this morning? 6 cockeatin’ 30. 2. Diamonds or pearls? BOTH, goddamnit. I’m nothing short of a dirty, plundering, acquisitive whore who enjoys nothing more than a lazy afternoon spent guzzling absinthe, stroking my … Continue reading →

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i love lucy

Posted on January 6, 2006 by muffybolding

I certainly would’ve guessed that Mrs. Beaver would’ve ranked higher on my list — though my real deep and abiding connection always has been and always will be…to Reepicheep, and sailing on alone to the Utter East. You scored as … Continue reading →

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my wish

Posted on January 1, 2006 by muffybolding

I completely embrace and live by the concept of the song below: that we have the power to reinvent ourselves and start all over again anytime we decide to…truly unencumbered by the mistakes and circumstances of our past. I consider … Continue reading →

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