Author Archives: muffybolding

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About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.

fuck numbers

Posted on July 6, 2015 by muffybolding

YOU GODDAMNED STRAIGHT.

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the first lady of FIERCE

Posted on July 5, 2015 by muffybolding

HA! Even HATEFUL, CONSERVATIVE CHRISTIAN REPUBLICAN BROADS will exalt her hallowed name in JUBILANT COMMUNION over THIS quote, Baby: “He’s always asking: ‘Is that new? I haven’t seen that before.’ It’s like, Why don’t you mind your own business? Solve … Continue reading →

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JAWS

Posted on July 2, 2015 by muffybolding

Our next big Framily Film Fieldtrip Summer Extravaganza: Wolfing popcorn and watching “JAWS” on the big screen at midnight…whilst floating together in innertubes…on a pond…with our feet dangling down into the DARK WATER. OH, YEAH. LET’S DO THIS THING, BITCHES! … Continue reading →

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baby bird

Posted on June 30, 2015 by muffybolding

HOLY SHIT my punani kicks out some BEAUTIFUL BABIES. #iloveyoubettysue #fiercebabybird #fiercebabygirl #girlpower #wasbornaspicegirlwilldieaspicegirl #messwithheratyourownperilthoughihavenoideahowyoulleatyour4thofjulycornonthecobwithNOFUCKINTEETH

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nc

Posted on June 29, 2015 by muffybolding

Surprising though it may seem — being that I am from Fresno, and all — I don’t yet have a single tattoo inked upon this smooth, svelte, gazelle-like body…but if my fatass WERE to go under the gun…this marvelous, meaningful … Continue reading →

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hh by an n

Posted on June 27, 2015 by muffybolding

There is absolutely NOTHING, Mein Poppets, like A Day At The Races — unless, of course, you’re talkin’ A Night At The Opera. Speaking of which, I just shot a two year old gelding in my Granny Panties…and how he got … Continue reading →

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A

Posted on June 27, 2015 by muffybolding

Miss Bristol Palin — eldest daughter of ex-vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin, Conservative Christian Republican, former national spokeswoman for sexual abstinence outside the sanctity of marriage, lovely young woman, and fierce teenage mother — recently announced that she is unexpectedly pregnant … Continue reading →

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truth

Posted on June 27, 2015 by muffybolding
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love

Posted on June 26, 2015 by muffybolding

When, oh, when will the intolerant, racist, sexist, homophobic, hateful, judgmental, hypocritical, pasty-faced, doomed, DAMNED denizens of Mordor ever learn? Inclusion, Acceptance, Peace, Celebration, Fellowship, Fabulousness, Ferocity, and TRUE LOVE will always prevail. Always. Now, Mein Glittering SCOTUSI: WERQ!

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stfu

Posted on May 7, 2015 by muffybolding

I gotta tell you, Mein Poppets…I am just about done with EVERYBODY being offended ABOUT EVERY FUCKING THING, ALL THE FUCKING TIME. DONE. FIN. ADIOS, MOTHERFUCKER. I have a post on deck that I’ve been working on for awhile addressing … Continue reading →

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