Author Archives: muffybolding

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About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.

a proud heritage

Posted on September 26, 2013 by muffybolding

The Patron Saint of MY KIND. My pipples are hilarious. Relentless. Ruthless. Shameless. It’s all about THE LONG CON, baby. God bless us, every one.

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crews

Posted on September 25, 2013 by muffybolding

Before I moved to Los Angeles with the silly, Fresno-Middle-Aged-Schoolgirl dream of writing and working in the entertainment industry in some capacity, I always just assumed that there were millions of teeming people working and struggling in Hollywood, making movies and … Continue reading →

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henry

Posted on September 23, 2013 by muffybolding

Today: THIS. “Every day we slaughter our finest impulses. That is why we get a heartache when we read those lines written by the hand of a master and recognize them as our own, as the tender shoots which we … Continue reading →

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on

Posted on September 18, 2013 by muffybolding

For reasons which strike terror into the very core of my being…the past week has been one of the most difficult of my entire life — and the worst part is, I didn’t even see it coming. And, yet…there it … Continue reading →

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a spicy-tongued biatch speaks

Posted on September 17, 2013 by muffybolding

Speaking solely as one of the TEEMING, WRITHING, UNWASHED, LOW-LIFE, LOW-RENT, BROWN-SKINNED, UPSTART COCKROACH, FUCKMACHINE, SOCIAL-CLIMBING BASTARDS preparing to mount world domination SIMPLY BY MOUNTING EACH OTHER…I’ve been saying this exact same thing FOR YEARS: We are eventually going to … Continue reading →

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haggery

Posted on September 17, 2013 by muffybolding

Well, I can say with absolute certainty that it reared its shimmering head with the hilarious, unholy union of Brett Somers and Charles Nelson Reilly on “Match Game”, for whom I would race home after school every day to wistfully … Continue reading →

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confess…

Posted on September 11, 2013 by muffybolding

Okay, for the very first time in this venue…step right up, pull that strand of rosary beads slowly out of your ass in a real steamy and sultry manner, cross yourself, and confess all to Sister Mary Muffaletta! You are … Continue reading →

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dragon lady

Posted on September 2, 2013 by muffybolding

Whereupon an Old Hooker Of A Certain Age SHAMELESSLY and with GREAT DELIGHT commits one of the most radical acts a woman can commit in our culture: I POST A PICTURE OF MY FAT SELF IN MY BATHING SUIT ON … Continue reading →

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“eat me”

Posted on August 28, 2013 by muffybolding

Me and The Boys —  Gregory Babior, Heath Chamblee, Mario Diaz and Russell Brown — GOIN’ DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE…on the Alice in Wonderland ride at Disneyland.  The very best part about this photo is that what those three FAB NANCY BOYS sitting behind me are … Continue reading →

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moisturize me

Posted on August 28, 2013 by muffybolding

Look at me. Thin and dainty. I don’t look a goddamned day over 2,000. Moisturize me. Moisturize me. (With MANY loving thanks to my darling, Joe Fitrzyk, for the FAB photo ganked from Dr. Who. I LOVE YOU, Joey Fitz!)  

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