Author Archives: muffybolding

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About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.

fred

Posted on January 8, 2012 by muffybolding

Oh, my stars…what a whirlwind weekend of WONDER! Last night my fatass sashayed into an AWESOME club in Little Tokyo with My One True Love and our best girl, Miss Pammie, where we partooketh of a jaw-dropping performance of REAL-DEAL, … Continue reading →

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crazy eyes

Posted on January 5, 2012 by muffybolding

Have you ever dated a guy who made CRAZY EYES when he was fucking you? I’m not talking about “Crazy ‘O’ Face” here — everybody has that, for chrissake. I’m talking about actual CRAZY EYES while he’s nailing you. Talk … Continue reading →

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genius

Posted on January 4, 2012 by muffybolding

“A genius is someone who shoots at something that no one else can see…and hits it.” One of my writer friends recently put out a call on Facebook asking for the names of creative geniuses, historical and/or contemporary, I am … Continue reading →

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le ferocious goat

Posted on January 1, 2012 by muffybolding

My youngest daughter, Anne, and I were hanging out this afternoon, belly laughing and reciting lines from “Bridesmaids”…and at some point we touched on the subject of fear — and I told her, “If I could give you only one … Continue reading →

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where have you gone, mary tyler moore? a nation turns its lonely eyes to you…

Posted on December 28, 2011 by muffybolding

There is no more telling statement on America’s attitude toward aging than this: If given a choice and the necessary resources, otherwise rational, intelligent women in the culture in which I, my daughters, my sisters, and my girlfriends exist…WOULD RATHER … Continue reading →

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wife

Posted on December 28, 2011 by muffybolding

Let’s see…my most favorite memory from our wedding day was not just that I finally finally finally got to marry My One True Love…but that right after I became her son’s lawfully wedded wife, my new mother-in-law handed us an … Continue reading →

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bougie rougie

Posted on December 24, 2011 by muffybolding

In the sacred spirit of Christmas and of being grateful and counting one’s blessings for all that is good in one’s life, I have even come up with a way to be thankful for My Dread Disease: This malar rash … Continue reading →

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christmas truth

Posted on December 22, 2011 by muffybolding

To all you generous, thoughtful, and enthusiastic holiday bakers out there, a small, but meaningful, Christmas gift from me — a gift of THE TRUTH: You can spin it however you want and festoon that shit with ribbons, sprinkles, and … Continue reading →

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this.

Posted on December 19, 2011 by muffybolding

“My reaction to porno films is as follows: After the first ten minutes, I want to go home and screw. After the first twenty minutes, I never want to screw again as long as I live.” — Erica Jong

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splendor. mine.

Posted on December 17, 2011 by muffybolding

Mother of god. I wish I could adequately communicate to you just how much I LOVE THIS: “Kazan and company were clearly grooming Warren Beatty as a fresh new Method-acting Boy Wonder, and his performance is a genuine oddity: He … Continue reading →

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