Author Archives: muffybolding

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About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.

boy

Posted on May 4, 2011 by muffybolding

A DMV clerk just asked me to go sit down when I approached the counter with my almost-17 year old son. He then immediately shifted his attention to Hunter, took the paperwork that was handed him, and addressed my son … Continue reading →

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god bless america

Posted on May 4, 2011 by muffybolding

What I love the very most about America…and what I loathe the very most about America — all in one photograph. God bless America. World Trade Center site, 1 May, 2011, after the announcement that American forces had killed Osama … Continue reading →

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mini-me

Posted on May 4, 2011 by muffybolding

You see? Sometimes wishes and dreams REALLY DO COME TRUE!

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savage baggage handlers

Posted on May 4, 2011 by muffybolding

From my hilarious friend and colleague — writer/actor/mother, Miss Becky Thyre: “We were listening to NPR in the car today and Meshell Norris said, “Will we ever know the name of the SEAL who shot Osama Bin Laden?” My 9-year-old … Continue reading →

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the once and future IDIOT KING

Posted on May 2, 2011 by muffybolding

Bush? Seriously? The Right-Wing spinpricks are attempting to spin this glorious headshot into the column under W? Honey, so much does George Bush NOT give a fuck, the very second his last term was up he couldn’t get his feckless … Continue reading →

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death becomes us

Posted on April 28, 2011 by muffybolding

To brighten our otherwise wretched, miserable days of writing, lunching, thrift shopping, and BELLY LAUGHING ‘TIL WE PISS OUR GRANNY PANTIES (okay, so it’s just me who pisses her granny panties, but I was on a fucking roll), Miss Jackie … Continue reading →

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“it doesn’t matter how she got there, marsha — what matters is THAT SHE’S ARRIVED!”

Posted on April 28, 2011 by muffybolding

Aside from being blissfully MARRIED to my darling, sexy, brilliant husband, Gregory: there are many extra, added benefits to being additionally MARY’D to a gay man, as well — especially one like my GUSBAND, Jackie Beat, a person who has … Continue reading →

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story

Posted on April 24, 2011 by muffybolding

People — especially women — write me all the time, asking how they, too, might become a card-carrying member of the “I GENUINELY DON’T GIVE A FUCK WHAT YOU THINK OF ME CLUB” — and I always try my very … Continue reading →

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gather thy juevos, while ye may!

Posted on April 24, 2011 by muffybolding

Easter is, and always has been, my least favorite holiday. #1, I hate the fucking palette. It makes me want to KICK ASS. #2, I hate scufflin’ shoes a-white. They make me want to BEAT ASS. And #3, for many, … Continue reading →

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s-a-t-u-r-d-a-y…NIGHT!

Posted on April 23, 2011 by muffybolding

When I was 13, I was desperately in love with The Bay City Rollers — and FULLY believed that I would grow up to marry Woody, go on a Rock n’ Roll Honeymoon, and then live happily ever after in … Continue reading →

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