Author Archives: muffybolding

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About muffybolding

Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. She has the mouth of a Teamster, and her patron saint is Rocco (pestilence relief.) Ms. Bolding lives in Southern California, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", the compilation zine, "Mamaphiles III: Coming Home", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.

breathe in the good, breathe out the bad

Posted on April 17, 2011 by muffybolding

If my scandalous ass is ever lucky enough to pass through The Pearly Gates (which, believe you me, is highly unlikely), I will not be surprised at all to find that heaven smells exactly like a cup of coffee in … Continue reading →

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hey, kids! LET’S PUT ON A SHOW!

Posted on April 11, 2011 by muffybolding

I had the most amazing and hilarious dream last night — you know, the kind of wonderful dream that just seems to last forever and you hope will never end. The entire thing was about, “Hey, Kids! Let’s put on … Continue reading →

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let the sun shine in!

Posted on April 11, 2011 by muffybolding

My old friend, Billy Butler, and I used this shit SO RELIGIOUSLY the summer after we graduated from high school…that by Fall, our hair was SO damaged, orangey-red, and yarn-like, that we looked like a fucking chubby, drunken, BELLY LAUGHING … Continue reading →

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don’t forget to check the expiration date on those eggs, sister

Posted on March 9, 2011 by muffybolding

Congratulations to Miss Mary Stuart Masterson on the news that she is expecting twins. Just think of it — a completely unexpected pregnancy and twins at age 44! Well, surely the propensity for multiples must run in her family — … Continue reading →

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dog days are over

Posted on March 9, 2011 by muffybolding

Greater love hath NO Jackal: I just found out that because I will be losing my toomer and girlie-bits to the skilled hand of the best gynecological oncology surgeon in the land on Friday morning, my treasured friend and fellow … Continue reading →

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stay gold, miss jimmy

Posted on March 9, 2011 by muffybolding

And speaking of my great friend, Miss Jimmy James — his latest show, Impressionism, is positively awe-inspiring. Between the songs and the glamour and the love and the belly laughs, it is a MASTERPIECE by a performer at the very … Continue reading →

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mighty forces

Posted on March 7, 2011 by muffybolding

Mama needs recommendations/suggestions for books and/or sites and/or first-person experiential advice that might prove helpful for a willowy, youthful, insolent ingenue being kicked and dragged by hideous, sinister circumstances, against her will, and FAR, FAR BEFORE HER TIME into SURGICAL … Continue reading →

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i need to remember

Posted on March 3, 2011 by muffybolding

I woke up this morning with a profound inability to GIVE A FUCK. I mean, you cannot fathom the immensity of the fuck I do not give. But then I remembered: I give a fuck about this. Actually, to be … Continue reading →

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“but it’s no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then.”

Posted on March 1, 2011 by muffybolding

Creepy, yet enormously beguiling. Yes, please.

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“shift yer cargo, dearie — show ’em your larboard side!”

Posted on March 1, 2011 by muffybolding

Huh. I guess the impending surgical doom is making me feel remarkably indecisive today because I cannot accurately gauge whether this kid’s outrageous, extravagant pirate bedroom is making me want to bow down and worship his generous, imaginative parents — … Continue reading →

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